Jay
"Do you have any concerns regarding hygiene and cleanliness?" The old man, with his gray hair, slicked back, inquired. I couldn't help but find the question insulting. Was he insinuating that I was dirty? The regret of coming here flooded over me; this was not my first session with this therapist, and already, I felt a sense of annoyance.
"I see. Could you remind me of your age?" he asked calmly when I did not answer him
"Twenty-fucking-nine," I replied, the frustration evident in my tone.
"Why didn't you search for her?" the therapist asked, probing into my past. I had believed she died in the fire until I stumbled upon her gambling in a casino.
And yes, she was a gambler.
"Because I did not know where she was," I snapped, frustration bubbling beneath the surface.
"But you do now?"
I nodded my head.
The old man hummed.
"Do you think you were in love with her when you were a child?" he inquired, already aware of my childhood crush and the impact it had on me.
"I don't think it's love," I replied, unsure of how to define my feelings, because I didn't know what I was living because of her, since childhood.
Old feeling maybe?
"I believe it's more of an obsession. I can guarantee you have an obsessive love disorder," he stated, jotting down notes on his pad. "Have you experienced impulsivity, rage episodes, aggressive behavior, sexual obsessions, or religious rituals?"
"All of them except the last," I confessed, desperate for a solution to this torment. Well yes, sometimes I get angry- I rage. And I get aggressive with my targets if that was what he meant.
"Great, in the last session, we concluded that you suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. However, those sexual fantasies about someone you barely know suggest a love obsession," he explained, his diagnosis confirming my fears. I'm not a madman, but whenever I try to have intercourse with a woman, I can not and since then I have my code towards women. But since I spotted her figure in that casino, playing blackjack and poker with men, she started to appear in my dreams, I started to fantasize about her.
"Obsessive Love Disorder occurs when protective instincts become controlling, leading to depression," he continued, dropping another bombshell on me.
"Will you give me a solution?" I growled, my patience wearing thin. This therapist seemed to enjoy stirring up my emotions.
"I could suggest medication and antidepressants, which I prescribed two months ago, but you haven't taken them," he noted, smiling knowingly.
"I will never take antidepressants or mood-stabilizer.," I protested, refusing to rely on medication for a solution. I'm the type of calm man, why would I need to stabilize my mood?
"The only solution now is couple therapy," he suggested, his words catching me off guard.
"What do you mean?" I asked, unsure of where this was leading.
"Find her. Meet her. Get to know her and love her, So that this obsessive love disorder you have of her stops." he advised, his words signaling the start of a new chapter in my life. And so, the haunting began.
