Obx boys | Imagines ☆

Breakup | JJ

its been two weeks since JJ and i broke up. i ended things but i shouldnt have. i regret it so much. i miss him.

since the breakup, everythings sucked. i havent gotten out of bed and i cant feel anything. almost like numb. ive been in the same clothes for the past week and i am in desperate need of a shower, but i have no motivation. i cant do this without JJ. i love him.

( SKIP BACK TO DAY OF THE BREAKUP)

"jj i cant do this" i said quietly

"babygirl you cant do what?" he questioned

"i cant do us jj. im sorry but there is a lot going on with this gold hunt and its stressing me out and my anxiety is through the roof and  i feel like i cant catch a breath. i just cant handle a relationship right now." i mumbled

"baby please no. we can make this work, i love you." he said while tearing up

" im sorry. jj i-i cant. i have to go." i said while running out of his house to the chateau.

(BACK TO PRESENT DAY)

i managed to get out of bed and hop in the shower. the warm water felt nice on my skin. i washed my hair, shaved, and scrubbed my body like crazy. i felt really fresh. once my shower was finished, i threw on a towel and walked over to my dresser. i still was feeling pretty off so i wanted to dress cozy. i put on a hoodie and sweatpants.

i got back into my bed to watch a movie, but i got a notification on my phone. i picked it up and read it.

"ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH JJ!!  <3"

just that little notification ruined my whole mood. and somehow i ended up scrolling through the pictures we had together.

---------------------------

about an hour had past and i was really feeling worse. i missed jj. and i hurt him because i lied. i told jj that i was too stressed with the gold hunt and everything but i lied. jj was my everything. i would give up anything just to hold him. but i knew he deserved better than me.

jj is a hard working, handsome, kind soul. but i dont deserve him. he is perfect. the way his golden hair falls, the way his shirts perfectly compliment his abs and muscles, the way he would always put everyone (especially me) first. i am nothing compared to him. im always sad, or having panic attacks or always having mood swing, and jj doesnt deserve that. so i lied to him.

everyday i wake up and hate myself for hurting him but today was different. after looking through those photos i cant take it. ive never cried harder. looking at us, that boy, knowing that i hurt him. i will never forgive myself.

i felt a panic attack coming on, this is my first one without having jj by my side. i went all shaky and my breathing was shallow. i knew i shouldn't have looked through those pictures.

i remembered a trick jj taught me for if one ever happened for if he couldn't get there quick enough. it was to put my face under cold water. ive never tried it because he was always with me, but now it was really my only hope.

i got out of my bed to run to the washroom but my legs went numb. i collapsed on the floor by my dresser. i must have been laying there for about a half an hour shaking and crying trying different breathing exercises , until my breathing got worse. i was only getting like half breaths in. it actually felt like i was dying.

i knew i wasnt going to be able to get rid of this without jj. and i knew that he probably found a girl who is perfect like him. i couldnt do it anymore.

i spotted a bottle of expired anxiety pills on my nightstand. i managed to crawl and grab them. i knew i deserved this. for hurting jj.

"i love you jj, and im sorry." i whispered. i poured the bottle of pills into my hand. i put all of them in my mouth and grabbed my bottle of water. and was getting ready to drink it and swallow the pills, before i saw a blonde boy walk into my room. it was jj.

"y/n!" he shouted while running over to me and sitting infront of me on the ground.

at first i thought i had already swallowed them and i was just hallucinating it, until i felt his hands open my mouth and get the pills out.

once he managed to get them out of my mouth, he pulled me into his chest. i was crying and shaking and struggling to breathe.

"hey, hey. look at me" he said while lifting my head up. "breathe with me" he added on while placing my hand on his chest.

we sat there for what felt like hours and we talked things through. i explained why i really broke up with him and we discussed it. we got back together and i will never loose him again.

for the following weeks he never left my side because he didnt trust me alone,after what i did that day.and he got me the help i needed. i love him.