Obx boys | Imagines ☆

suffer in silence | JJ

WARNING: mentions of self harm.

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ive always been the suffer in silence type. i dont want people to waste their time worrying about me. especially jj. ive been going through things, but i dont want to concern anyone. everyone is going through their own problems and i dont want to be selfish and make them stress about mine. some days are harder than others, but im trying my hardest to not give up.

something is wrong with me. i dont know what it is but im not myself. i just genuinely want to be happy again.

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i woke up this morning to a familiar blonde climbing in bed with me. JJ.

"morning" he said as he placed a kiss on my lips

"goodmorning" i said as i snuggled into him

"did you just get back from work?" i asked

"yup. but its my last night shift thank god" he said

"what do you wanna do today?" i asked

"maybe just hangout? we all havent had much time together lately" he pleaded

"yeah! that sounds nice" i concluded

j fell asleep in my bed so i got up and went to the bathroom to freshen up.

when i took off my hoodie i saw the bandages on my wrist and i remembered what happened last night.

(FLASHBACK)

"turn your mental pain into physical pain" i mumbled to myself as i placed the blade on my body.

i got lost in my thoughts until i noticed that my wrist and thighs were full of slits. deep ones. puddles of blood underneath.

"shit, shit, shit" i mumbled to myself as i wrapped bandages over the cuts.

(END OF FLASHBACK)

i winced in pain as i pulled the bandages off and threw them in the garbage.

"shit" i mumbled to myself. how am i gonna cover these up?

i went in the shower and cleaned the cuts up. when i got out i wrapped myself in my towel and walked back to my room. j was still asleep

i quietly threw on a hoodie and sweatpants because that's the only way of hiding the scars, then i headed to the backyard.

"hey y/n" pope and kie greeted

"hey guys" i said while sitting down on a lawn chair

"wheres jb?" i added on

"he went to sarahs i think" kie answered

we were sitting there talking about random things, until jj walked into the backyard.

"hey j" i said as he picked me up and sat me on his lap

i snuggled into him.

"missed me huh?" he said cockily

"dont get all cocky. but yes" i giggled

"why didnt you wake me up?" he asked

"i didnt want to disturb you. you've been working so many nights and u need sleep j." i mumbed

"i love you. but dont worry about me!" he said

"i love you j" i said while pecking him on the lips

"helloooo, were here too" pope said which caused me to giggle

"aw, do you want me to come over there and give you a big smooch?" jj joked

"no but im sure you'd love to give one to one of the hot girls you work with" pope joked back, clearly not thinking about what he just said

oh.

"what the hell?" jj replied

"sorry, that wasn't funny" pope mumbled

"that was an ass move pope." kie hissed

are they really hot? prettier than me? am i good enough for him?

i was quickly snapped out of my thoughts when jj started talking to me.

"princess are you okay?" he asked while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"yeah, i have to go to the washroom but i'll be back" i mumbled while getting up and walking to the house. once i was in i quickly sprinted to the washroom and shut the door.

the tears that i was holding back before were now slowly dropping from my eyes. j is the one good thing in my life right now. my reason for living. I can't lose him to one of these girls.

i was snapped out of the trance when i heard a knock on the door.

" its me" jj said as he slowly opened the door

"babygirl whats wrong?" he asked as he knelt down to my level and pulled my hair out of my face

" i cant loose you j." i whisper

"princess what do you mean?" he asked

"im sorry if im not as perfect as the girls you work with please dont leave me for one of them" i whispered

"baby. i love you, and only you. you are the most perfect girl i know and i sure as hell wont leave you for one of them. im never leaving you y/n, you're all i want" he said as he rubbed my cheek

"are you sure? im sorry for being like this j." i mumble

"you have nothing to apologise for princess. and i promise." he says surely

"i love you" i say

"i love y-" he began to say. "wait, what is this?" he asks as he pointed to my sleeve.

i looked down confused, until i saw the large red stain on my sleeve wrist area. shit. it bled through.

"i- its-" i tried to say as i pulled my wrist away.

"y/n let me see it." he said sternly

"i cant" i whispered

"y/n let me see it. now." he demanded

i caved. i put my wrist closer to him as he pulled back my sleeve. his face instantly softened as he saw the cuts.

"i-im sorry." i cried. tears now pooring down my face

"no, no dont be sorry" he stated

"how long has this been going on for" he asked

"i-i dont know, a-a while" i whispered

"is it anywhere else?" he asked

all i could do was cry.

"baby please, is it anywhere else?" he asked again

"i-. m-my thigh" i whispered hoping he didnt hear me, but he did.

he slowly pulled down my sweatpants and scanned my thighs. his eyes welled with tears.

"p-please dont hate me. im sorry" i cried.

"babygirl. i dont hate you, at all. but why didnt you tell me love." he said as he pulled me into his chest.

"i- i didnt want you to stress about me because of all the things youre going through. but i- i dont know whats wrong with me j. im scared" i cried

"hey, were going to get through this. together. dont hold back from me, okay?dont worry about my problems. all i care about is you. talk to me okay? please dont hurt yourself" he whispered as he rubbed my head.

"now, im going to get you cleaned up, then we're gonna go watch a movie of your choice, yeah?" he asked while planting a kiss on my lips

"okay" i sniffled.

he knew that i was scared, and that talking about it too much will only make things worse. but he also knew that he was my safeplace, and aslong as im with him, time stops.