Night of the Alphas

Chapter 24

The next few weeks went on as usual, if you exclude the fact that I was constantly trying to protect everyone. Every time I got off of my shift, I would check on everyone just to make sure they were okay. Everyone else tried to do the same, but it became exhausting. I started losing sleep over the fact that someone I loved might die. Every time we got together for meals, it was hard to talk to each other. Nothing felt the same as it had before.

I told Joshua about how AFM was looking for him, and he said that he would try to stay safe. Still, I tried to keep a careful watch on him. I hardly got to see Charity anymore; She spent all of her spare time trying to rehabilitate that insane kid. So that made two people who stopped showing up for meals.

Homesickness began to overtake me. I would have given anything for us to go back home and not have to deal with the war anymore. I loathed our situation more and more every day we were there. I even contemplated deserting my post and just leaving, but I decided not to. Like I said before, it was just too big of a risk to take. Still, I thought about it more than I should have. All I wanted was to go back to those days at Alex and Abel's house, when everything was so simple. Those days where we were safe and together. But instead, we were stuck in the militia, where we were stuck in a seemingly endless loop of working, eating, and sleeping. The only thing that varied from day to day was the weather. I could almost imagine my daily schedule being plastered on a 12-year-old girl's T-shirt. Fight, Rest, Repat!

You know how in all those prison movies, the main character will always be counting down the days they have left? Well, I don't want to sound cliche or anything, but that's pretty much what I started doing. Every evening when I woke up, it was the same thing. Alright, this is a two year draft. I've been here, what- Three months? Three and a half? Four? I'll say three. That makes... One year and nine months until I can go home. One year and nine months until I can see Adrian again.

I didn't talk about Adrian much anymore, but she still occupied my thoughts more than I wanted to admit. I missed everything about her; Her voice, her smile, her laugh, everything. I wondered if she ever thought about me in the same way, but I knew that she probably didn't. Deep down, I wondered if she had already found someone else. The thought of her with another guy sent a wave of jealousy over me. But at the same time, I knew that it was likely that had already happened. A kiss meant almost nothing. It's not like we made a serious commitment or anything. It was just one date. In a way, I wanted what Alex and Miranda had. A real relationship. I just wasn't sure what she would say if I proposed that idea. I mean, we had already passed the point of no return. No matter what we did, we'd never return to a normal friendship. There would always be that knowledge that there could have been something more.

I was thinking of this as I got ready for my next shift. It had been weeks since my dream and the incident with Alex, so I started to get anxious. I figured that something would happen to one of us sooner rather than later. I trudged out of the building, preparing myself for another mind-numbing watch. This boring cycle was wearing on my friends and I, and it was beginning to become obvious in them. Joshua stopped cracking jokes as often. Zaria's sarcasm faded away. Even Alex's usual optimism started to give way to exhaustion and grumpiness.

As I passed the medical center, I felt a twinge of guilt. I haven't checked on Charity for a few days. Maybe I should go in, just to say hi.

I walked inside and went up to the receptionist. "Excuse me, ma'am, may I visit Charity Fernard?" I cringed internally at my last name. Ever since Paisley and I were old enough to understand our situation, Charity had taught us to never tell anyone our family name. It was a dead giveaway to our identity. Even after three months of our secret being out, it still felt wrong to say out loud. It felt like saying a curse word as a kid.