Night of the Alphas

Chapter 32

(Author's note: Hey guys! I recently reviewed this book and I realized that I should probably put a massive trigger warning for this chapter, as it includes fairly graphic depictions of self mutilation. I apologize for it being added so late. Most of this chapter is relevant, so if SH is a difficult/triggering topic for you, please skip any paragraphs that are marked with the 🔴 symbol.)

As the months flew by, I began rising up the ranks quickly. Within ten months, Summer and I had risen nearly to the top, and were working alongside people that were close advisors to Akiran Machado. Akiran was someone that I had started to admire, someone I wanted to be like someday. He was strong, he was powerful, and he got exactly what he wanted with nothing more than a snap of his fingers (or someone's neck, if he was in a bad mood.) But he was the leader of AFM, and I was nothing more than soldier 95754.

             I had completely forgotten who I was or what my life was like before I was in the Alpha Freedom Movement. But I didn't care, really. It's not like I really cared about anything anymore. The only thing my mind was on was work. And that was how I liked things. I didn't want my mind to be on other things. There were so many things I didn't need (or want) to know about myself. Like where I came from, or what things were like before I started at AFM. Maybe I had a terrible life before, and I was running away from it by coming here. Or maybe I was completely ditching an amazing life. There really wasn't any way to tell.

           The only remnant I had of my past life was a massive amount of photographs stuffed in my backpack, which I had burned months ago. Oh, and Summer, of course. She was my best (and only) friend. People referred to her by her number for a while, but a few months ago they gave her a name. I still hadn't earned one. But I wanted to desperately. Then I would be able to associate with Mr. Machado. My stomach knotted itself up every time I thought about finally meeting him. What would he be like? Would he like me? Would I get a promotion? Or would he kill me on the spot? The anticipation was eating me up inside.

             All of the nervousness I felt about meeting him sooner or later (most likely sooner, if I kept up the good work) combined with the stress of the job I was doing drove me to develop a constant headache. The pain made it near impossible to sleep at night. My head would pound all day and all night, and almost nothing I did would ease my pain. It drove me to do insane things, things I would never in my right mind do.

             🔴I stood in front of my cabinet on a cool, early October afternoon. My temples were throbbing slightly less, but that was only because of the bleeding cuts on my wrists. Sometimes, if the pain became too unbearable, I would do things like this to myself. It eased the pain in my head. And the way it hurt was sharp, much unlike the dull headaches. It made me feel alive. I wiped off my switchblade and set it on top of my cabinet. The gauze, which was usually in my top drawer, was nowhere to be seen. As I was rustling through my drawers for it, I heard the deadbolt lock on my door unlatch. I quickly turned to face the door, tucking my hands behind my back. "95754?" Summer said in a questioning tone. Her coffee-brown hair was tied up in a ponytail as always, and she had a fresh coat of shiny red lipstick on. She looked a bit confused. I didn't blame her. "What are you doing?"

           🔴"Oh, nothing." I felt the drawers for the gauze. Where is it? "What are you doing?"

           🔴"Well, Blaze and I are waiting for you in the meeting room."

           🔴"You are? I didn't know I was late." Anxiety crept into my voice. Being late to a meeting could result in an extreme punishment. But I couldn't go in my current state. That would be severely frowned upon. And I couldn't just keep my hands hidden the entire time. My fingers felt a roll of rough mesh. Aha! Found it.