LOVE? I CAN'T RELATE

Never Again

︵‿︵‿୨ ♡ Entry 6 ♡ ୧‿︵‿︵

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You know the saying, personality over looks? Yeah, I wish I knew that before I met another boy, boy 4 if you're wondering, name I will disclose but lets call him, Jeremy. I can't believe I'm even mentioning him here, but if I'm being honest, he was the only boy I've had a long and "real" relationship with. From enemies to lovers, friends to frenemies, to lovers again. It was an odd cycle, but thankfully, it ended with us being mutual enemies. Our love began when I still had my clingy side, with physical touch mostly, but he didn't seem to care. After some time, he confessed, and I rejected him because I wasn't ready. I mean, I was young and he was WAY too fast. Then came our stupid conflicts and sudden flirting, and it reached the point where we had spent 3 years together. Honestly, he had the looks, but his personality was ass. But I still came back for our fun laughs and late-night talks. Our stupid calls and our flirty compliments just made it feel like he was a good person, but I didn't open my eyes wide enough to see that he wasn't mature. He can sometimes be pathetic. I didn't miss him. I miss the thought of what we were.

After ending it on Valentine's Day, yes valentines day. I moved on, tried distracting myself, and it left me with no sudden need to communicate with other boys. He changed, and I did too. There are times when I wish I could relive our fun times and start over, but in love situations like this, it is impossible. It is difficult. It's like seeing the love of your life choosing between you and another. Or, having caught your lover making up a lie to gain your trust, It harms you, but the only way I left the situation was to distract myself. And I did successfully, gaining two best friends and a whole group of friends I could go out with. It made me feel free of that depressing relationship.

I still can't handle relationships after reading and watching literally everything about romance. Which is understandable. I can be a bit too much and expect a lot. But that's a good thing. At least that's what people say, but it's hard to believe. So I made a promise that I would never go back to my ex. Never date boys that don't show love or affection. No matter how attractive or hot they are. If they don't show they care, then it's better to let them be. My friends would like to be in a relationship, but they don't understand that not everything can be all lovey-dovey, which makes me sad just thinking about it. But I do wish to be in a relationship with love as the priority. It's the magic of what makes people envious of relationships-no matter how hard I try to stop thinking about love, it just reappears in my life. A curse or a burden.

But now I am just confused. I am confused about what love can be to other people. There are books, articles, stories, and movies about love. And when people see it, they want to experience it. There will also be lucky people who get to experience these moments. But love is such a simple word to describe something so huge, metaphorically. As I go down memory lane, I do not see an ounce of love coming from the other partner. All love is given just by me. Which hurts me more. One-sided love is all the love I've ever experienced. Love can be such a nuisance. ♡

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