LOVE? I CAN'T RELATE

Loving the Lost

︵‿︵‿୨ ♡ Entry 15 ♡ ୧‿︵‿︵

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Apart from loving someone, we grew to love objects. We form bonds with certain things that hold value. Whether it be your favorite shirt, a memorable photo album, a bouquet of peonies, a gold necklace given by your late grandma, a piece of candy you kept from your first crush, or a photograph of your cat, anything can be held in value. That's why we fear their disappearance. It's beautiful that we can see things with such sentimentality. It's a blessing and a curse.

Just like how we fear losing somebody. Many people make sacrifices just to take back what is lost, but it can no longer be found. I'm sure some of you favor something because of its memory, moment, or history. It's inevitable to value such an item. But what happens when it disappears? Broken? Stolen? Can it be replaced? I find it impossible in itself.

Why even bring up this topic? Because people lose things all the time. Intentionally or accidentally. I've grown up in an environment that tends to lose my valued things; it's not great. But when it happens all the time, you lose the attachment and move on surprisingly quickly. I thought about it, and how did I feel so out of mind? confused? tired? Not feeling human? .. if there is such a thing.

One day, I lost a valued item. Before it was officially lost, my mind knew beforehand that it was gone. I wanted to move on already because I didn't want to get hurt. But when it's too much, you end up feeling horrible. You want to cry, yell, or be angry. But what's the cost if it's going to hurt someone you love? I'm so tired of holding those negative emotions inside. It's been so long since I cried or yelled. When you have watched people do it all your life, you feel guilty. It broke my heart that when I wanted to cry, I couldn't. Being a people-pleaser or not, why can't I feel the emotions?

I just wished I had someone who could comfort me. Don't we all wish that too? To let me cry, to not get angry, to listen, to let me breathe in and out. Someone who's strong and who'll handle all my feelings because they're too heavy to carry.. That day has become worse ever since I lost it. I got severely injured and hurt on that day as well; it was like the universe wanted to add to the torment. And still, no tears have fallen. As much as I can. This is what happens when you love something instead of someone.

At the end of that horrible day, it had a good ending. I realized I did have a person who I can lean on. A person who cares for my every being. A person who'd take any risk to ensure I'm safe and comforted. I'm grateful for that everday.

But anyway, I don't want to dread fear and sadness for my dear readers. I just shared my experience with loving something. And the consequences that we may experience. Though I'm not closing without advice, if you lose something irreplaceable, it's alright.

It's time we learned to let go of things anyway. Not at extreme lengths in value, but you know what I mean. Yes, you cherished, kept, or protected it; that can also be the most special focus. You did your best to preserve it. I promise you, it'll be alright. I heard a saying that changed my perspective a little. People are made to be loved, and objects are made to be used. But people forget that; instead, they use people and love objects. It's better to acknowledge the memory of it; maybe it'll lessen the pain.

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