Blade (Watty Awards 2013)

Chapter 2

Chapter 2-

I was doing it again. Even though I promised myself I wouldn’t. Here I am, sitting on a toilet when I should be in fourth period. I hold my hand to my chest not caring if the blood got all over my shirt and start to let slow betraying tears fall.

 I sniff and wipe my eyes grabbing a handful of toilet paper and dapping up the blood leaking from my wrist.

 I don’t do it properly  so more blood just leaks out every time I try and stop it. I start to cry harder making little weeping sounds careful not to alert the girls outside my stall.

 Eventually the bleeding stops and the bell rings. I quickly collect myself. I fixed my sweater back so my hands didn’t show and wiped my eyes and put up my hood.

 As I left I keep my head down, not wanting to look in the mirror in fear it might ruin my day even more so.

 I didn’t need a mirror to tell me what I looked like. I knew. I am 5 foot 4 with long brown hair that was once pretty like moms, but when she stopped caring I did to.  I have big unattractive brown eyes. I always look tired because I never get enough sleep and –

 Wait, no. Let me stop bullshitting you there. My life isn’t that terrible. I know I just made it sound bad, but no.

 I have a mom and a dad they both love me. I think. I hope.  We live in a huge mansion like house in the Beverly hills side of California.

 My dad is a lawyer and my mom co-owns a fashion company called “Griffin industry.” 

 They sent me to a private school at my request. I hate the public. I hate life.

 We are together sometimes  I guess. The best part about them never being around is that they give me whatever I want to make up for it.

 I’m not complaining. Or at least I try not to. I’m from a wealthy family. I have food every night and a warm bed and people cleaning up after me. What more could I ask for?

 So why do I do this to myself? I bet you’re all wondering.

 The truth is: I’m not really sure. It just started one day and it hasn’t stopped since.

 Life just doesn’t look up for me. I guess I feel the need to punish myself for that.

 Another reason my parents were so quick to agree to get me outta the public light was because I think they are embarrassed their daughter is a freak.

 “Ah, Lillian. Nice to see you’ve joined us.”

Fifth period: Algebra 1.

 In other words, hell in the form of a wrinkled old lady.

 “take that rancid hood off your head.” She sneers.

 I remove my hood slowly.

 She looks pleased, but doesn’t give me permission to sit down right away. So I just stand there staring at her.

 "You have detention for being late. Lillian show up on time for that at least.” A couple of kids chuckle. “And your parents will be notified. This is the 3’d time this week Lillian, you should be ashamed.”

 I shrug. I don’t talk. At all. Never.  It’s a waste of time trying to be heard when no one will listen. Especially when you’re me and your opinion doesn’t count for dog shit. I stopped wasting my time two years ago. No one really notices. They all just think I’m rude.

 “Now take your seat.” She uses a ruler to point at my desk.

 Theres someone in my seat. Why? Who is she? Who gave her permission to be in my seat? That bitch. Back- right corner is mine. I claimed it.

 I walk over to her. She’s blond with bright caramel brown eyes and a heart shaped face. I stare at her.

Ah, yes the stare down. No one likes it. She stares back at me for a moment before moving over one seat.

 “sorry,” she mumbles. “I didn’t realize. I’m new here. My names-“

 I sit down and hold a notebook up in between us blocking my face from hers and hers from mine.

 “Oh. Um. O-K.” She says awkwardly.

 We sit quietly listening to professor wrinkled-bitch-who-gave-me-unnecessary-detention speak for a little while.

 “I’m Santana.” Blondie whispers peaking around my notebook. Her eyes shined brightly and her smile was radiant. It was that kinda smile that made you wanna smile to.

 However she peaked around my notebook, completely ignoring the boundaries I so greatly set.

 I stick my middle finger up at her.  Her mouth drops and she quickly leaps back around the boundaries.

 When class is over she quickly jumps outta her seat and as far a way from me as she can.

 Just the way I like it.

 I quietly exit the class room.

 “Hey weirdo. Come sit with us at lunch kay bestie?” I hear an obnoxious voice say. I recognize Lauren Williams voice. We used to be friends once.

 Long ago. You know,  back when dinosaurs walked the earth. Back then Lauren was real, she was my best friend.  Back then, Lauren was flat-chested with choppy dark hair and huge goofy looking glasses. She had this weird snort kinda laugh but I loved hearing it only because it belonged to her and she was practically my sister.

 Now, Lauren was walking around with a pair of huge knockers on her chest like she was a darker version of the Kardashians.

 Let’s face it. Their breasts are pretty damn big as well.

 She lost the glasses in place for contacts and her hair was longer.

 I have no idea what happened to the laugh, I guess she grew out of it.

 I stare at her. The last time she invited me to sit with her she poured milk all over me and everyone laughed at me.  So logically thinking I punched her in her face and landed a suspension. What did little miss Lauren Williams get? Comfort. That bitch, how dare she get off like she was some kinda victim.

 She starts laughing and blows me a kiss. I know she’s faking it, so I turn on my heels with traitors I call tears in my eyes. I walk quickly with my head down not wanting to let her see that she won.

Instead of going to lunch I run home. Some of the maids look at me funny.

 “Lilly? Why are you home so early?” Georgia says.

 GO AWAY!

 “Lilly?” She follows me upstairs and all the way to my bedroom door. I slam it in her face. “Lilly! Hunny? What is it? Did you have a bad day? Do you wanna talk about it?”

 No. Georgia please go away. Nothing is wrong with me. I’m just here until lunch is over.

 “Lilly please talk to me.”

 I almost made a friend today.

 “Lilly hunny.”

Key word, almost.

 I slowly slip down the back of my door and let tears fall down my cheeks. I take my blade out from my pocket and roll up my pants leg and right above my knee-

Slice.

I begged to feel the comfort of the pain my blade brought me.