In The Closet With You

14

TRIGGER WARNING: Homophobia, violence, the word fag and queer

Allen

I woke up and checked the time, it was three in the morning. I rubbed my eyes and groaned, rolling on my side. James wasn't here. He hadn't spent the night in almost a week and I haven't been sleeping well because of it. We were rarely apart this many nights in a row, but James' parents told us that James couldn't stay at my place for the full week of Thanksgiving break unless they could spend a week with just James. We, of course, agreed. My mom was going to be out of town for most of Thanksgiving break, so we'd have the whole house to ourselves. I thought that us living together for a week, just us, would be good practice for when we're living together in the future. Not like I'd admit that to James. James saw our relationship as doomed due to gay marriage being illegal. Just because it was doomed didn't mean that my mind didn't constantly think about a future with him.

I smiled, my thoughts wandering to a life with James. I always imagined us adopting kids together, living the American Dream together. I'd be better at cooking so I could cook our family meals. We could all sit at the dinner table and discuss our days. I always pictured us having three kids together and one of them could work at my mom's shop with us. I imagined walking in on James sitting in our kids' room, reading to them until they all fell asleep. God, I've never been this in love. James was quickly becoming my whole world. I couldn't sleep without him by my side and when he wasn't with me, he was all I thought about. I thought about a world where I could kiss him in public, marry him, and let the whole world know that he was mine and I was his.

I looked back at the time and it was already five. I sighed and sat up. I knew I wasn't going back to sleep so I might as well get ready for my day. Tonight would be my last night without James in my bed and I couldn't wait to get it over with so I could spend a whole week with my boyfriend. I chuckled to myself.

My boyfriend.

An hour later and I was at the school, meeting James, Noelle, and Henry at the main entrance. Noelle and Henry continued their discussion on I don't even know what while James walked beside me. I rubbed my eyes, exhausted.

"Are you okay? You don't look great," James spoke up.

I shrugged. "My sleep schedule has been absolute shit."

"How many hours a night have you been getting?"

"Maybe three or four hours."

"Allen, that's not healthy. Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I can't sleep without you," I whisper-shouted. James bit his lower lip, looking away. Did I upset him? "I-I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to sound angry. I just... I miss you."

James stopped walking and I followed his action. He held out his hand. "Hand me your keys." I did as he said and watched as he pulled his house key out of his pocket and attached it to my key ring. "Come by a little after ten, my parents are usually asleep by then."

I felt a smile tug at the corner of my lips. "Don't you need this to get in the house after school today? Since Noelle won't be home until later you won't have a way to get in the house."

James smirked. "I still have a key. That's a copy that I made for you. I was going to give it to you as a gift but it seems like you really need it now."

My face and ears began to burn. I really am in love with this man. "Fuck, I love you," I whispered. "Thank you, James."

"Yeah, yeah. Just be quiet and don't get caught."

"Yes sir," I said sarcastically, causing him to elbow me. We both laughed as we entered our first class. The day had gone by painfully slow and James and I were finally in our last class of the day, sitting next to each other. We had ten minutes of class left and I found myself staring at James. He was chewing on his bottom lip while he read his book, something he did when he was lost in thought especially when he was reading. God, I wanted to be kissing those lips right now... I haven't kissed them in six days straight! What the hell did I do before we were dating?