Honestly, I have no idea what to say. All I know is I heard her voice last night and that's when my walls collapsed. My lies were exposed.
When the liquor worn out last night, one by one memories started showing up. Whenever I close my eyes I can see her smile, I can see us smile. But when I open my eyes all i see is me staring at the ceiling begging to be okay.
Sucks when you have to beg God to take away the pain,
For the past week, i thought i was making progress but turns out i wasn't. I was just distracted, i was sugar coating my emotions, my words and my feelings.
"I'm okay?" bullshit.
How can i be okay when you are tattooed into my skin. Every touch, every little conversation that we made still wanders around my mind.
I hate that im missing you every point of happiness that i make.
I hate that im being like this. I hate the what if's.
I hate that instead of me paying attention to reality, im trying to run away again. From all the pain, from the heartbreak, from the thoughts.
I hate that im lying to myself that im okay.
But even if I'm feeding myself some lies, there is for sure one truth that i know.
And that is i still can't let you go.
No matter how hard im trying, no matter how many damn lies i feed myself.
All i know is that it's hard to let you go,
And day by day its getting harder. My ignorance is not working anymore and im afraid that when everything goes down, i'll fall down.
-to all the lies and the hate-
~syn
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Syn's Random Thoughts
Randomi made this book to interact with you. Baka parehas tayo ng thought. Anyway dito lang ako mageexpress ng mga nararamdaman ko. Feel free to share as well. -syn
