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Grief came in waves, small ones. At first they are so strong you feel so swept away and came at such random moments, replacing a feeling of happiness with harsh tears within seconds. It is the ugly aftermath. It is brutal. It is complex. It is forever. Grief changes people. Some are visibly seen. Others are hidden. But no one truly knows what a person is thinking. The mind was a game of if it's own.
Though this grief of hers, this loss, is so huge, so completely incoherent.
Evelyn was a lost and confused soul.
Emotions were a complex for her. It wasn't that she didn't know how to feel, she just didn't have control over them and understand what she was truly feeling.
Her own mind was her worst enemy.
Deep realisation swept through her in sharp waves of pain, a knife stabbing every part of her body. No matter how perfect her plans were, it turned out to be the other way round. A tragedy rather than the fairytale she believed to live in.
But life is unpredictable. It had plans of it's own.
She would forever remember her siblings cries filling her ears, sat besides her as she held on to their hands tightly, consoling them and bottling up her own feelings. They came first. Always, and even when she wanted to, the tears still refused to pour out so she remained strong for them.
And when she was by herself, her cries were muffled against her hand. A silent scream. Because in the end, even when she was surrounded by people, Evelyn would still be alone.
Everyday was the same cycle. She would put on a beautiful smile on her face, making sure her family were happy by the end of their day and slept peacefully, but she barely slept.
The nightmares that haunted her. Her demons.
Ones that were absurd to others. 'They are only nightmares. Stop worrying too much.' Is what they would tell her.
It was the only thing she desperately wanted; to be understood. Instead she understood others more than they did with her.
Sure Jeremy was there for her at times, being a shoulder for her to cry on or listen to her but they both shared one thing in common. They both lost their parents.
No one ever asked Evelyn how she truly felt when she had died because to them she was still here, their reason for why they still had a smile on their face.
They only pitied her and her siblings for being orphans.
She wondered why she was given a second chance at life. What was so worthy about her that death slipped away from her hands and not her parents? But she didn't want to hurt the people she loved who were still around her so she lived for them.
