the truth about...me????

by saying goodbye i see you again...

“The chance to say goodbye weakens with every hello and the chance to tell you how much I love you slips ever so slightly from my grasp reaching the bottom of the list. Trying to find you is what I do these days and surviving the world is no longer my game but reaching you is my motivation, my desire and dream that will last forever. I know that somewhere somehow you are trying to reach me too thinking the same ideas. That’s what is meant by true love. So long as I have to search I will find I way to stand by your side. Till then my other heart try to find peace till I find those who  you took you away….”

I looked at the tombstone and cried. When I wrote this I thought that he was truly gone. Most of the thoughts back then were about finding a door to hell and killing my father. But now I know that you are there and all I want to do is hold you. The fate is there the motivation is close but the soul is gone.  There is no room for me in my heart only your image and your voice echoing I love you Maya. The day shines bright with those three words and even the toughest demons of hell can be killed. There is no more tomorrow just today and forever after .

“ and the thought crosses my mind

If I never wake in the morning

Would she ever doubt the way I feel about her

In my heart?

If tomorrow never comes

Will she know how much I love her?

Did I try in every way

To show her everyday

She’s my only one

If my time on earth would go

She must face this world without me

Is the love I gave her in the past

Gonna be enough to last

If tomorrow never comes…”

As I sat listening to one of Sean’s most favorite song of all time I saw just how much what I wrote to him was the same as this. The meaning at least. I will find you one day….  

The song ended and I remembered that it was after midnight so I headed to the gates towards my car. There were a lot of noises that should have considered listening to. a voice that was calling my name begging for my forgiveness till the task is done. In truth I was more than in misery to notice much of anything these days. But the voice grew louder and the night grew lighter. Still I would not look around. Then all hope came back to the land. The ghosts of those buried in this ground surrounded me in a way that showed me no escape. It was then that I heard the voice that I longed for. I finally saw him. Standing mere feet away from me. His face was white with the light around him. A smile stretched from ear to ear as though this was another one of our dates and the way his hand was stretched out for me. God how much I love him how much I missed him. I start walking slowly towards him when I remember that he is not truly there. He is only in my heart for now at the very least…

SEAN P.O.V

She was looking at me as if there was a mistake a big one by the looks in her eyes. There was love but then it changed to sadness and hurt. It was hard  to see her that way as if I was an image that never came true. A dream that was more like a nightmare these days. A hope that was long lost. I reached for her  to show her that I am here that all will be alright but she just looked at me. She looked at me as if I’m something that she lost and will never find again. She was looking at me as if I was death here to take her life…

I stood there just hoping that maybe she will see that I found a way to come back that tonight was the night I come back to life. I saw Michael standing near the gates with her parents whom both looked happy to see me again. Michael on the other hand was looking at her with a look of worry in his eyes. I knew what that look meant since I saw what was happing to my love from the day I died till now. Even now she was reaching for the sword as if I am another demon she has to kill.  Then it all went dark….