the truth about...me????

moving on then coming back

6 years later  

You would think that it is very hard to let go of the past. I would say no to that. There are always things that made me remember Sean but I knew that I had to move on. Six years have come and gone with me sitting in this world. I have two beautiful daughters and a husband that I have learned to love with time. Life is, if in a little way, went back to its old ways that I sometimes wonder if what really happened was more of a dream than reality. My sweethearts are drawing little angels around the house. Liana is 4 years old and Lara is 2. I met Jacob 5 years ago when I was visiting Sean’s grave. He lost his loved one too and it just felt that we two could heal each other.  Well we were both right, we were healed in a way but never forgot. Sometimes at night we would talk about Libby and Sean and laugh at all the memories we have of them. I never regretted getting married even though it felt wrong at first but now it is just right. Knowing that one day I will see him again just makes me yearn for death to just take me. I see Michael every few days. Liana just loves me and hardly lets him leave at night but if it keeps her safe its fine with me.

One night liana came over to me saying that her head hurts from all the screaming. I knew that she was like me I never got rid of the scream till I stopped caring. That ended in a very bad way for me, but that could be changed for her. My dear old father is gone and most of the demons stay in the underworld for fear of meeting me. I made it more my life than mere obligation to kill any demon that comes in my way. nowadays there are hardly any demons around but still so much wars and greed that makes more demons in the souls of the people themselves.

There is never really been peace or flowers for the sick, it’s just the way of life. If you are too weak to hold on then you are as good as dead. There are never real friends or honest family member or even love to those that you don’t know, there is just the thought of all the power you will gain when you really win a fight.

There are days that I could just sense him standing next to me. But it’s just for a moment, a moment and that’s it. Sometimes a reflection or his image in a picture makes me feel safe. At times I could hear liana talking to someone but when I look into her room she is not even there. I know that she can see ghosts and talk to them but that was also me when I was a little girl. Since that day I was given all my childhood memories that were taken from me. I remember the voices, the screams, even how cold it used to get when I didn’t understand what they want. Sometimes it wasn’t only the ghosts but the demons that used to burn my flesh.

Night and day are but a blur and I feel that something is on its way. life around us is weak again, there are no sounds at night, and the dead speak of the day hell will come back again. Sometimes it’s the mere whispers that the wind carries on its wings that hold those tidings. In truth there is nothing worse than to pass through all of that again or let my babies go through the misfit that was my life.

I look around and see that liana was coming over so I smiled her way and kneeled so that I was her height.

“ what is sweetheart? Why are you sad?”

“ mummy there is something scary going to happen.”

“ and why would you say something like that?”

“ I feel it mummy it is like it’s just waiting for the right time.”

I looked at her and saw that she was truly frightened. I looked at her again and saw a single tear escape her eye as she tried not to cry in front of me. My little soldier she was far braver than me and one thing she hates is showing the weak side of her, the human side.

“ honey did you hear something that is bothering you?”

“ yes but mummy what was grandpa doing in hell?”