This is it. The step of from childhood/adolescence into adulthood. I am officially going to be turning 18 as of 8:11am tomorrow, July 20th, 2022. I am currently coping with Lady Gaga (Poker Face).
I wish I could say "I have a good poker face." but truth is I am dying inside. I am currently writing this chapter in my room, terrified and with the anxiety of being an adult.
I remember talking and arguing with my dad about "3 years being too long" and the truth is I used to argue with my dad till my lungs hurt for all I cared. That is until earlier this year, October 2021, when Pa passed away. I miss him every day. Honestly.
I tell my sister, Vanessa, all the time "I feel like holidays/birthdays to me all feel blurry". Like I don't care honestly. Except for right now, July 19th, 2022, 11:30pm, I am terrified. My stomach is in my uterus right now.
I miss my great grandmothers. Especially, Abuela Daniella, she always used to know how to bring a group of completely diverse people into one room and sit them down for a meal. Now that I look back on it, it seemed like a gift from God, Himself.
I miss Abuela Ana. I may not have all completely understood what she would say and talk about but based on her actions, she seemed to love me a lot. And I loved her. 🥺💯
As I record the next few changes of my life, I have been working. I was able to buy myself a few outfits, shoes for school, senior pictures and birthday outfit.
I cried a lot today honestly because I get scared because I am so used to my sister and my mom being in my life. That sometimes I forget what they have done for me. I will always love them till infinity to beyond.
I spoke to my mom earlier the month and I was explaining how I was a little terrified. My mom is the person who has seen me in all levels of my mindset.
She has seen me grow, change and just develop over the years and I get scared not of growing up but losing myself or worse my mother. She is my best friend. I tell her everything, she is my world. Without her I would feel empty. 😕
But as I grow older with age and time, I have to learn that not everyone is going to be the same around me. I know that everyone eventually grows up. And I proud to say I made it another year. With love and purpose, I should continue to strive for greatness and remain calm. This is the end of a chapter in my life. And the beginning of something very new and beautiful. 😌
Sincerely,
The Loner
YOU ARE READING
Life As a Loner
Non-FictionEryka talks about her life experiences leading her up to her current position in an interview based along with her diary signature endings as "The Loner".
