Love Me Again

10

"What?!—Lisa! Hey, I'm here what's wrong?"

Jennie was startled when I held her arms.

I continue to gasp for air as the airplane takes off rocking myself in my own seat. Suddenly but with hesitation in her gesture, I felt my wife led me close to her thorax and embraced her hands around my nape.

"Calm down, honey. It will be alright. We're okay, you're fine, you're fine."

"Jen, E-ellie! Our son, he-he's bleeding."

"It's all in your head baby, close your eyes. Trust me okay? I will keep you safe."

Jennie kissed my forehead and brushed some hair strands blocking my face.

With tears soaking my eyes, I allowed myself to be lost in trance. I kept my head charged on her chest until the plane stabilized in the air.

Even I felt that I was already in a good state, I didn't let her arms go. I have no idea when will I be given that kind of affection again by my wife, and so I seized the moment.

Not so long when both our breathing approached a similar pattern.

First time in a long time, it was a sleep with love.

The 5-hour flight appeared to be better than any other days with us on one another's bed.

I really long for my wife.

I wonder if she feels the same back, or is she slowly slipping? God forbid.

"Lisa, wake up. Get your hands off me."

Great. Why can't five hours be for eternity? She was back being cold again. But at least, when I needed her most she was there.

When it should have been nothing to give, how can I ask for more?

"I'm sorry, Jen. Come on, let's go?"

I extended my hand so that she can grasp through it, but instead she chose not to and stood an inches away waiting for me to probably cut the crap act.

I wasn't embarrassed but sure, I expected something we had hours back would still be in tact.

Yet, her love chose to be occasional.

I can only smile and pat her shoulder to initiate our walk. It was silent, to the point I hear some buzzing to my ears.

I saw a lot of men in the airport eyeing my wife, instead of battling through stares I tried to destruct the distance between the woman that I adore and subtly brush a finger to my ring.

Gradually, they hung their heads low and shifted to another direction.

Yes, that's right. You can only feast but never have.

Inadvertently, my sight fell to Jennie's ring finger.

And I saw nothing but it's evanescence. It's as if the ring was non-existent for 10 years that have passed, our vows broken, love left undone.

I can't help but tap the portion where my heart is, the pain was beyond control.

"Hon."

I spoke as we sat in the bus on our way towards the villa here in Thailand that my parents owned.

"What now, Lisa?"

Jennie inattentively answered with her focus still on the phone texting who knows who.

"Hon, please don't be mad. I—I swear it wasn't my intention, but I just happened to see you're not wearing our ring. Yes, I-I know, we're not on good terms right now. And probably this is just a small thing to you. But could you at least let me know where is it? And, and why?"

"I lost it, Lisa. Not that I mind."

I never pondered but who knew our hearts could be this shattered to so many of a piece?

She continued texting while I mend myself through making my mind believe we could still be in places we used to be in.

One I call memories.