Love Me Again

21

JENNIE

I woke up at the clanging of stainless hangers from the walk-in closet. One after the other I opened my eyes and glance at the side table. The time was only 6 and the sun has yet to blind us of its glory.

What's with the sound? Or was it only a product of my dream?

I tried to extend my arms and feel my woman's side of bed. It was foreign. It was as if we hadn't lay next our bodies last night. With the realization, my eyes shot wide open.

Lisa wasn't here, she wasn't on the bed we used to share for the past 7 years.

Normally, she would wake up earlier than me and prepare everything I needed and drive me to work. But the absence of the hot chocolate milk aroma blending with the air told me otherwise.

There was nothing but thick vapor of silence.

I was about to get off the bed when I saw her figure out of the closet. She was wearing casual clothes not the supposedly corporate attire.

And on one hand was a suitcase, the other held a luggage.

In confusion, I asked. "Where are you going hon?"

She spared me a second of glance before her eyes was fixated on the mirror to button the remaining of her shirt.

Lisa seemed to be different.

Again I tried. "Are you going on a business trip?"

Another minute passed and I was met without a word. I stood from the bed and grudgingly walked my feet towards her.

I placed a hand on her broad shoulders and tried to let her look to me. I succeeded yet her eyes did not let me in. It wasn't reflecting any of me, as if I lost a part I have on it.

"Why aren't you answering? Did I do anything wrong?"

I pondered while I brush my palm on her triceps. And to my surprise, Lisa harshly slapped my hand away. Before I get to speak in madness of her actions, she opened her mouth.

"You did everything wrong, Jennie."

What did she mean? We did not fight yesterday. We ate a peaceful lunch. I head home as I promised.

"What did I do? I do not remember we fought about something yesterday, Lisa."

As if she was a mad woman, she laughed monotonously before taking a deep breathe and tightly shutting her eyes. Now, as it opened it was filled with everything.

I saw sadness, sorrow, mourn, remorse and anger.

There was redness on the corner of her eyes but in every second it would fall, she would hold it and with her remaining strength she looked at me.

"Jennie you've changed. I can't even stare at you with longing."

"What do you mean I've changed? I am still Jennie Lisa, and you are my wife."

I tried to hold her hand but she had it on a fist.

"In the past five months you made me feel so alone. We lost our child, and as if it doesn't satisfied the gods above, my wife barely knew me. She...she blamed me for something I had no control over!"

At the last sentence, I witnessed her breaking. This is the burden she carried when I could have lessen the weight, I added to it.

"Lis, I'm-I'm sorry—"

"No! You're not allowed to tell that. It is long overdue Jennie. How can you say sorry as if it was the easiest? I suffered Jen! I suffered too more than you! More than you can imagine...I-I did. And where were you? Where were you when Ellie drawn his last breathe? Where were you when he was put to grave! Where were you the mornings after and the nights I was waiting?...