Love Me Again

27

JENNIE

I stood at her side for half an hour more before she gradually woke up from a quick nap. As if dumbfounded when she realized the person she is leaning so close is me, Lisa immediately distanced herself.

"I thought it was a dream! Damn it."

She whispered but I still heard it all, I can't help but release a small laugh.

"Still tired, hon?" I sweetly asked.

"What are you doing here Jennie? Don't you have a job to attend?"

And now back to her cold self as if trying to establish a wall where I won't be able to reach her easily.

If I haven't known Lisa for 7 years, I might believe this facade.

But yet I know her.

"I told you didn't I? I am staying even if I have to leave everything behind me. Even that meant to be my dream."

She knows how much I worked hard all my life to be the best cardiac surgeon South Korea could offer. But it is also the time I let her know she's bigger than any of my dreams combined.

After all a dream without a home is like an island without life.

and throughout our 7 years, to me, she has been it.

"You don't have to be this ridiculous, Jennie. Please leave now, I need to go."

Lisa quickly stood up from the swiveled chair and wore her coat as she fixed her sleeve.

"You know I don't even know how blind I became for the past five months and I forgot how desirable you look in those coordinated suit."

I saw the hand that was fixing her sleeve froze all of a sudden before she gulped and forced to look at me.

"W-what nonsense are you even saying?"

As she was about to call for her stupid secretary Dahyun, I forced her to sit back on her chair as I sat directly on her lap.

There were subtle sweats forming on her neck due to our provocative position.

"I brought you lunch, honey. Won't you eat with me?"

After fighting with intense stares, Lisa gave up and sat her back resigned. So I stood and picked the lunch I placed beside together with the bouquet.

"Here."

I held her the bouquet with the hyacinth on the center as I planted a kiss on the back of her hand.

"I love you."

I softly uttered as I happily prepared our lunch on her table.

Still after I laid everything she was staring straight at the flower I gave with the look of remembering something.

"Why this flower, Jennie?"

Lisa silently asked as she turned to me.

"The old woman knew my purpose of asking for forgiveness, she recommended it."

To my surprise, Lisa brought the bouquet down and laughed before her eyes turned red.

What just happened?

"Don't you remember how I gave you this same flower everyday?"

She asked with a tone of displeasure.

That is why that plant looked so familiar the first time I saw it.

"For the entire five months of attempting to win you while you're seeing another man and his kid behind my back, I gave you this!"

"I was waiting for my redemption, you know? That one day because I never stopped giving you this glorious-looking flower, my apology would reach you."

"But when I saw you that night, all these petals of hope I had withered. You ruined this memory, Jennie. Please, take this away."

Still in shock of her sudden outburst I couldn't move.

"Dahyun! Take this fucking piece of crap out of this room!"

With terror behind her secretary's eyes she swiftly grabbed the bouquet and went to throw it outside.

"And you Jennie, out. Please leave."

So this is how I devastated her perception of everything?

Fucking Jennie. I am so fucking cruel.

I ruined this pure being.

I saw her silently punching her chest as she stops her eyes from watering. And although I might have cried a river already for these past days, I still have more left in me.

And so I wept with my wife. I wept with Lisa as I forcefully buried my face on her chest and softly held her fist from hurting herself.

"Hush now, baby. Hurt me if you want, but don't hurt yourself. Lisa I am so sorry I wasn't a good wife out of all these years. And you have been nothing short of perfect. You gave me seven beautiful years and a chance to be a mother for the first time. I am so sorry that I appreciated these things too late to the point I already knowingly ruined you. I am so sorry please little by little let me right this wrong. Let me sweep this mess. I love you, I love you. Please stop crying."

"I hate you Jennie, I hate how you managed to deeply imprint yourself in me. I hate the way you love me and I keep loving you back."

I felt her arms wrapped around my waist as she sobbed and stared at the ceiling.

"Then you can hate me for the rest of this short lifetime we have. Pour all your hate to me, Lisa. I promise to shower you from now on with love."

I understand now how the mistakes we choose are not really mistakes. These are products of our self-decisions. At some points in our lives, we wanted this. We created and inflicted this not only to ourselves but to the very people we swore not to hurt.

These wrong decisions might be forgiven but they cannot be forgotten. They will always haunt the ones we most value and it is our sole responsibility to never repeat them again.

To set a path for them to forward, making the right decision to never look back.

As we eat silently I looked at her. Lisa indeed looked like the older version of Ellie.

I can't believe I could have lost them both.