Rain [yoonmin]

yoongi's journal

Dear Jimin, 

it's been a month already, I'm still not used to not having you by my side. Mom has been here with me constantly, but she had to leave. Taehyung came to visit too. But it still feels empty. I have never felt this way, it's alien to me, this feeling. Now that I'm feeling this, I understand that I've always been afraid to face this. I have always dreaded this but never came to terms with it. I've only bottled up all my sadness and now that I'm dealing with them I see how it is. I thought there was nothing to be sad about when you're there with me, but the constant fear of losing you, I think it was always there. The feeling of loneliness, I had long forgotten, and now I'm going through all of that again, I wish you were here. But what you always taught me, I'm hopeful. I am not giving up. 

 at least, I have our memories to hold on to. Memories are too powerful, and at least they give me the hope I need to survive. you were my only hope and now you are sleeping. so your words, your laughter, your memories are all keeping me alive. it's like you're gone one a vacation to a place with no internet connection and we are not being able to see each other, or talk to each other but we're still there for each other. 

I love you, Jimin. And I'll always love you. Even if you don't remember me after you wake up, I'll always be the same, I'll always be the one you loved so much. 

I hope you wake up soon. I love you. 

Yours,

Yoon.