I Can't, Eddie... (Steddie)

2

It turns out the books were heavy as hell. Steve lugged them around the last few hours of the day and was really thinking he would have rather dealt with Jessica than do this by the time the final bell rang. He made his way over to the small classroom that held the D&D club after school.

The room was empty and the lights were off.

Where is everyone? Henderson better be happy with me just leaving these in here.

Steve walked across the room and set the books down on a table littered with various figurines and papers. He didn't hear the door open behind him, but he felt eyes on him and slowly turned back around. Eddie was leaning against the doorframe silently waiting for Steve to notice him. Steve partially expected this to happen. It always seemed like Eddie appeared out of thin air. Steve's eyes flicked down to Eddie's hands, playing with the rings surrounding four of the fingers on his left hand. Although his presence didn't shock Steve, he was surprised by how large Eddie's hands were. He had never noticed that Eddie actually had some muscle on him. Steves eyes traced from his hands up to his jaw and finally met Eddie's intense gaze. A sly smile slowly spread over Eddie's face and he nodded in greeting.

Steve shook his head slightly.

Get a grip.

"Hey, Steve."

"Hey, Eddie."

Eddie pushed off the doorframe and stepped into the room.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever heard you call me 'Eddie'"

"You started it with the 'Steve' business," Steve face showed a hint of a smile at the banter.

"Steve business," Eddie chuckled to himself and brushed past Steve to examine the books he dropped off. Steve's arm burned where they made contact.

What the fuck?

Eddie turned back to face Steve, who had his hand on his arm feeling the spot that was still tingling. Eddie's gaze fell on Steve touching the same spot that was tingling on Eddie's own arm and raised his eyebrows.

"That's interesting..." Eddie muttered more to himself than anyone else.

Steve met Eddie's eyes in the dark room and electricity exploded all around them. Steve's heart started racing and it was as if a force totally outside his own body pushed his feet to step closer to Eddie. Eddie's eyes grew wide and he took half a step back.

"Steve, what are you doing?" Eddie's voice was barely a whisper. Steve moved even closer, and Eddie put his hand on Steve's chest. He was barely applying any pressure, not stopping Steve from leaning in so that their faces were inches apart. Eddie licked his lips and Steve stared down at them. He had never noticed how soft and full they were. The electricity in the air was still surrounding them, neither of them had any sense of their surroundings other than each other. Eddie's hand suddenly clenched and he pulled on Steve's shirt, gently yanking Steve forward to close the gap between them.

Their lips had barely touched when someone in the hallway outside the door roared with laughter, breaking the spell and breaking the electrifying silence between Eddie and Steve. Steve threw his body backwards toward the door and ran his hands through his hair over and over again. He couldn't take his eyes off the floor as he moved toward the door. The rest of the D&D club burst through before he could leave, chattering and laughing.

"Oh, hey Steve! You brought the books by, thanks man!" Lucas clapped Steve on the back and he nodded wordlessly in response. Steve finally brought his eyes up and looked across the room. Eddie was leaning against a desk with his arms crossed, staring at Steve. His face was totally blank.

"I'll see you guys later," Steve muttered, shoving the door open with his shoulder. He took one last glance back and Eddie was still watching him with a single hand raised in farewell. Just before Steve looked away, Eddie's face seemed to flash in the briefest of moments into an expression Steve couldn't decipher. Regret? Disgust? Longing?

What the fuck just happened what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK???

Steve raced through the school to the nearest exit. He needed to get to some fresh air. The empty hallways started pressing in on him and he burst through the doors and gulped down fresh air. He pressed his hands into his face and sat down on the floor against the red brick wall.

"What the fuck...?"

Did I actually just kiss Eddie fucking Munson?

He pressed against his eyes as hard as he could but he couldn't erase the images playing in his mind. Eddie's hand burning against Steve's chest, the bottomless depth of this brown eyes staring into Steve's, the curve of his soft lips. The feeling of his lips so briefly pressed against Steve's.

Too brief.

The thought popped in his head before he could stop it. Desire pooled in Steve's belly and he shook his head back and forth.

"I don't like boys. I don't like boys. I don't want to kiss Eddie Munson." He whispered to himself, still covering his face with his hands.

The door opened softly and Steve felt someone sit next to him against the wall.

"Hey man... do-do you want to talk?" Eddie had never spoken to someone so gently. He tentatively reached a hand over, but pulled back at the last minute. Steve was still covering his eyes.

"Look, Steve. I think you should know that—well, I think you might be confused but you should know that I'm not." Eddie sighed and leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. "I've always liked boys."

Steve finally looked up and over at Eddie, tear stains running down his face. Eddie's heart broke at the sight of him. He leaned forward, reaching out to Steve and Steve moved away.

"I can't." Steve uttered the words Eddie knew he would say, and yet it still sliced through the air like a knife.

Eddie jerked back as if he'd been slapped. Steve stood up suddenly and walked away, leaving the long haired outcast sitting alone, staring after him long after he was gone.