I Can't, Eddie... (Steddie)

4

The air was still quite cool outside as they wandered toward the small lake next to the library. Steve encouraged the briskness flowing in and out of his lungs, hoping it would clear his head and make him feel less out of control. They approached a bench among some trees secluded from the main path. Eddie pulled out a joint and raised his eyebrows at Steve.

"Do you mind?" Eddie asked.

"Would you care if I said I did?" Steve teased. He didn't really mind, he knew Eddie's reputation and wasn't surprised.

"Nope." Eddie winked and lit up. He took a deep inhaled and sighed loudly.

"How did you know this was here?" Steve asked, looking around. It was a nice little spot. It wasn't lost on Steve that they were still very alone, but at least he felt less claustrophobic.

"I sell weed here all the time," Eddie replied, taking another deep hit. He held the joint out to Steve. Steve eyed it cautiously. He didn't have much experience with weed but he did need to chill out. He took the joint and took a deep inhale, and then proceeded to cough his lungs out for ten minutes straight.

Eddie was in stitches the entire time. Finally, once Steve's eyes stopped streaming and he was just clearing his throat occasionally, he shoved Eddie's shoulder.

"It's not nice to laugh at people," Steve said, smiling despite himself.

"Man, that was the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. You're too pretty to smoke weed." Eddie was still chuckling to himself and didn't see Steve's face turn red at the remark.

Stop caring that Eddie thinks you're pretty.

"Whatever man." Steve said, shaking his head. They passed the joint back and forth a few more times until Eddie stomped out the roach in the dirt. Steve had visibly relaxed and their legs were now touching.

"Are you cold?" Eddie asked suddenly. Steve had started subconsciously rubbing his arms again. There was an even colder chill rolling in from the lake in front of them.

"I keep forgetting my fucking jacket." Steve said, shaking his head in annoyance. "My head's just been totally spacing out lately."

"Here." Eddie shrugged out of his black leather jacket and passed it to Steve, revealing his denim vest underneath, covered in patches and band insignias. Eddie had tattoos sporadically running down each arm. Steve's eyes lingered on Eddie's arms, once again noticing the muscle there. A small ripple of desire rolled down his spine.

God, has he always looked like this?

"Thanks." Steve slipped on the jacket. It was so warm, and Eddie's smell absolutely enveloped him. He was totally intoxicated.

"Eddie?" Steve said his name slowly, drawn out. He was really feeling the high now. Eddie laughed again, and Steve couldn't help but join in.

"Dude, you're so high." Eddie couldn't stop laughing.

"So what if I am? It's your fault." Steve replied, giggling between words.

"My fault?!" Eddie brought his hand to his chest dramatically, "I had nothing to do with this."

"You have everything to do with this. I'm a mess because of you." Steve pointed at Eddie and then leaned forward, poking him in the chest. Eddie grabbed his finger and pushed it away.

"Hands to yourself, buddy." Eddie was fully flirting now. He kept ahold of Steve's hand and shifted so that their fingers intertwined. Both boys' hearts started pounding.

"What are you doing to me, Munson?" Steve muttered, mostly to himself.

"I—I don't know, Steve. I'm sorry." The conversation suddenly took a somber turn, and the expression on Eddie's face ripped Steve's heart into pieces. Fueled by the intoxication of Eddie and the drugs, Steve's inhibitions seemed to fall to the side and he reached over to touch the side of Eddie's face.

"I said I'm a mess because of you, but I didn't say I'm sorry about it. I wish I was, but I'm just not." A blush bloomed over Steve's face and Eddie looked up in surprise.

I really want to kiss him again.

"I don't know what I am, Eddie. I don't know what any of this means."

"You don't have to put a label on anything, Steve. You can just be here, in this moment. With me."

I don't have to put a label on what I am?

"I just—I just want... you." Steve's voice barely made a sound at the last word, but he moved his hand behind Eddie's neck and pulled him over, crashing their lips together just like they had two months ago. Eddie wrapped his arms around Steve's waist and pulled their bodies together on the bench. Steve's mind felt blissfully calm for the first time in months, and the only thing he was focused on was the feeling of Eddie's lips against his. Eddie traced the shape of Steve's lips with his tongue ever so lightly and Steve groaned in the back of his throat. Eddie brought his hands up Steve's chest and around his neck, moving his lips down to Steve's throat and kissing and sucking at his soft skin.

"Munson, oh my god..." Steve whispered. Eddie brought his forehead up against Steve's and they looked in each other's eyes.

"So, I'm back to 'Munson', huh?" Eddie's eyes sparkled with laughter.

"I'll call you whatever you want." Steve's eyes were totally glazed and Eddie was reminded that neither of them were actually sober. He wanted to keep going. God, did he want to keep going. But he also knew they needed to have a conversation about what it all meant, and he didn't want to take advantage of Steve being totally stoned.

"We should take it slow, at least right now." Eddie said kindly. He grabbed Steve's hand again and ruffled his hair affectionately.

Taking it slow was the last thing Steve wanted in this state and he closed the distance once more, taking Eddie's bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling on it before sliding his tongue into Eddie's mouth. Eddie couldn't stop himself from reciprocating again. He pulled Steve up onto his lap and kissed him even deeper than before. He briefly worried that Steve would feel him getting hard, but the thought came and went as Steve started exploring his mouth with a new combination of sucking, biting, and licking.

Steve pulled back as the words Eddie had spoken finally set in.

Take it slow.

"Okay, maybe you're right." Steve relented and they both laughed. He disentangled himself from Eddie and blushed as he realized they both had sizable erections. He looked up at Eddie and tried to think of a way to break the awkward silence.

"I'm biting my tongue hard right now, Harrington," Eddie eased the tension naturally and Steve couldn't stop himself from replying in kind.

"I can bite it for you." Steve felt his mouth curve into a sly smile.

Who even am I right now?? How high am I??

Eddie belly laughed and covered his face with his hand.

"Oh you're gonna be the death of me, man." Eddie shook his head, still smiling into his hand.