I Can't, Eddie... (Steddie)

19

The music pressed in on Steve from all sides as he stepped across the threshold into the party with Robin at his side.

"I need a fucking drink." Steve stated, making a beeline for the kitchen. Robin grabbed his arm.

"Wait, what? You just drove us here, dickhead!"

Steve shrugged, "we can walk home. It's like not even a mile from your place. And like only two to mine."

Eddie's place is even closer.

Steve flinched at the thought.

"Okay, cool. So I'll find us a ride home with someone else." Robin said, annoyed.

"Whatever."

Robin rolled her eyes and approached the keg. She circled around to stand opposite Steve and helped him pour a beer. He took a huge sip, chugging half the cup, before topping it back off and helping Robin get herself one. Robin glanced up to thank him and saw a mess of dark hair standing in the corner of the room behind Steve, chatting and laughing with a guy she didn't recognize.

"God fucking dammit." Robin mouthed to herself. Steve had polished off his cup again and was refilling so he didn't see her expression until he looked back up. His brow crinkled in confusion.

"What?"

"Oh. Um. Nothing," Robin waved Steve away, "let's go outside." She grabbed his arm and started pulling him forward.

"The door outside is back the way we came...?" Steve shook his arm loose and turned around to head back out. Of course he immediately saw Eddie, leaning in close to listen to something the guy he was talking to said. Eddie laughed loudly, throwing his head back and swaying slightly to the side. Almost too loudly. Steve's eyes narrowed and his heart started beating a thousand miles a minute.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he said. He downed his drink again and threw it on the ground. Jealously licked his insides like a white hot flame. He wanted to scream and punch everything in sight after the week he had had. He wanted to beat the shit out of whoever this fucking dude was talking to his boyfriend. Making his boyfriend laugh like that, when he hadn't had a full conversation with him in a week. He ran a hand roughly through his hair.

I need to leave this room. Now.

He could feel the tears coming, the corners of his eyes were burning. Steve stomped back through the doorway, coming within a few feet of Eddie, who finally noticed the other boy. Eddie stiffened, watching Steve's beet red face disappear into the crowd. Then he looked over at Robin, who looked just as furious. He walked away from his conversation partner, some guy whose name he couldn't remember, and approached Robin. She was really seething.

"Don't talk to me, Munson. Go talk to him." She pointed sharply out the door, "your fucking boyfriend, asshole." She shook her head, looking truly disgusted. Eddie turned on his heel, nodding and not totally coherent but searching for Steve anyway.

Steve was sitting outside along the side of the house. He was alone and finally let himself release the emotions he had been feeling all week. The tears streamed down his face and his breathing came out in short gasps. He put his head in his hands and wished for the ground to swallow him whole. Eventually, his sobs turned into quiet sniffles, but he was certain he looked like a disgusting mess and the three beers he chugged within about two minutes were starting to hit him. He was in no rush to deal with what awaited him inside.

"...Harrington?" Eddie's voice was soft and kind. Somehow that made Steve feel even worse.

"What—" Steve's voice cracked and he cleared his throat to try again, "what do you want?"

Eddie walked over, putting a hand on the side of the house for support as he half fell, half crouched to sit next to Steve.

"I'm a little fucked up," Eddie stated.

"Okay."

I'm on my way there too, babe.

Eddie laughed suddenly. "I guess that's accurate in multiple ways."

Steve remained silent. He was done being the first one to speak.

"So, I owe you an explanation." Eddie finally said.

"Just one?" Steve couldn't help himself.

"I owe you some explanations," Eddie corrected.

Steve shrugged, but his heart was in his throat and tears welled up again as he replied. "Whatever, dude. I get it. You don't want this—" he gestured between them, "—anymore. Message received. You could have just told me."

Eddie lurched back. "What?! No! That's not— I don't even— furthest thing from the— fuck. I've fucked everything up so badly."

Steve finally turned to look at his boyfriend, eyes full of raw pain. "Then explain it, Eddie. I'm begging you."

"I don't even know where to start."

"Who gave you the black eye?"

Eddie didn't reply for awhile.

Give him a minute, Steve.

"...My dad paid a surprise visit."

"Your—your dad??" Steve didn't even know he was in the picture.

"Yup," Eddie said, popping his mouth on the 'p', "and he got me this cool gift." He pointed at his bruised eye, which had turned a nasty shade of green as the week had gone by.

"I don't understand."

Eddie took a deep breath and bit his lip.

"You can tell me anything, babe." Steve said. He tentatively reached out a hand to Eddie, inviting him to close the distance so they both met halfway. Eddie did, and their fingers naturally wove together. Steve felt a piece of himself lock back into place. Eddie took another deep breath and started talking.

"My dad doesn't come around often. And when he does, my uncle usually kicks him out pretty much immediately. But my uncle is out of town this week. He doesn't get back until Sunday, so we've been having some great unfiltered father-son time," Eddie laughed with no humor. "My dad knows I'm...different. That I don't have a lot of friends. I think he's suspected that I'm gay for awhile now. But when he showed up Friday night, he saw my drawing of you on my bedside, and—" Eddie blushed but didn't hesitate to continue with the story, "a new one I started after you left. Of us. Anyway, he connected the dots and beat the shit out of me. And has continued to do so all week, although thankfully he's stayed away from my face since Friday." Eddie looked down at their hands. "I'm so sorry, Steve. I didn't know what to do on Monday. I definitely didn't want him to see us, and I knew you'd freak out when you saw my face, so I just got really high and tried to pretend we were just friends. And then I couldn't bring myself to face the truth. It was easier to just keep doing what I was doing. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Now the tears fell from Eddie's eyes, but he didn't cover his face. He wasn't ashamed of crying. He just wanted to make Steve understand, and fix the damage he had caused.