This Won't End Well

28: How To Kick Someone When They're Down

Uh... hey... long time no see? Let's recap for you AND for me

"Brief" recap:
Okay so Retz broke up with Gon over text and Gon just tried to suppress how he was feeling about it. Then Killua moved in next door and Gon practically annoyed him into being friends. They got into a fight at a grocery store where Gon punched a homophobe, Illumi showed up and was an asshole, Hisoka hit on Gon (of course), Gon and Killua broke into a pool to go night swimming and got chased by a security guard, went to the planetarium, and yeah. And on the side, Kurapika and Gon were fighting a lot over multiple things, namely because Kurapika thought Gon was using Killua to get over Retz. Then, they eventually made up and shit (after a lot of fighting). And after 21 chapters, lots of interruptions, and a whole lot of angry people in my comments (dw I still love you guys), Gon and Killua finally kissed. And then they made pancakes at 3am where Gon promised Killua (who was overthinking and very anxious that Gon was using him or was gonna leave him or that Gon didn't actually like him), that he actually liked him a lot and wouldn't do anything to fuck what they had up. And he says he's going to take him out on a date the next day. The next morning, which is a few hours later, Retz shows up and apologizes to Gon and gives him an explanation why she broke up with him. Then, after asking if he was seeing anyone else and Gon answering no, she asks to get back together with him. And then... they kiss. She then leaves Gon, who doesn't say yes or no to her offer, but before she does, she tells him that she still loves him, to which Gon doesn't answer either. Then Kurapika and Leorio get home and Gon tells them everything, and they call him out on his bullshit and tell him he needs to tell Killua what happened. Gon then explains he likes them both and doesn't know what to do, but agrees to tell Killua on their date later that night. But, we all know Gon well enough to know that didn't happen. Instead he invited Killua over to meet Kurapika and Leorio during game night and Killua agreed. The date was sickly cute and after a night picnic and dance in the rain, Gon spent the night at Killua's. In the morning, they woke up and had a soft little moment like the giant saps they are. I think that's where we left off... so here we go ig

Gon walked back inside his apartment, his body heavy with exhaustion. His shoulders caved into himself, his feet sagged on the ground when he tried to move them, and his hands and fingers felt weak and numb when he fumbled with his keys. He wish he could say his mood felt lighter. After all, he just spent a wonderful night and morning with Killua, who was currently his favorite person.

And don't get him wrong, he loved every second he spent with him. He felt lighter with him. He felt... warm.

But, all throughout last night and in the morning, he felt something gnawing at him, insatiable and loud. Even when he wasn't thinking about it, it was there. It lingered, and it swirled in his mind, in his stomach, and it felt heavy. When he was left alone with his thoughts, even for a second, even for the distance from Killua's apartment to his, he felt it. No, he didn't just feel it. He felt like it had consumed him entirely, like he was the one invading his own body.

He knew he had the knowledge to break everything he had with Killua. And that thought, that painful, unfathomable, lingering thought, clawed at him so much he was sure he felt the bleeding slashes in the back of his mind.

"Gon, is that you kid?" Leorio asked from the living room. Gon could hear the couch rustle and shift as he peered his head over the back of the couch to look at the doorway.

"Hey," Gon replied meekly. It was all he could muster. His heavy steps, weighed down by his lack of sleep and subconscious, seemed to echo in their hallway. It made him nauseous to hear himself existing- walking and talking.