Dear Maxwell . . .

So Won't You Please, Please Help Me?

This was not meant to make any sense. It's quite literally just a joke on the fact that we all literally hate Mitch with a good part of our minds and all. So it was obviously inspired by NJ2001's Blood Curdling, if you want it off darling, just say the word! Same with you PurlyandGirly. ;) It's short but hopefully funny.

After staring at the screen in shock for what felt like hours and years packed together, the young writer found her bearings. Remembering how to breathe took a little while longer. And closing her mouth took more time than that.

Awesome writing, she thought first with a slight smile. The smile faded quickly when she remembered everything apart from the spectacular word choice. That character really deserves it though . . .

Now, this young writer didn't really know what 'it' was. When she found out though, 'it' would be coming in a heartbeat. Maybe a hummingbird's heartbeat to be fair.

The only problem was delivering 'it' and finding out how to give 'it'.

She paced along her bedroom, wearing into the floor with each step. Not too soon after she started, the ground beneath her had started to become squashed and nappy looking.

Good evidence for showing that progress was made.

Even though she had much writing to do-that unfinished chapter wasn't going to wait all day-this new agenda somehow ran to the top of her list.

Finally, with a lightbulb over the head sort of way, she got her idea.

Why not just write a letter to a well-known clean man (No, not Paul's grandfather) and see what he has to say? Surly he could at least shed some light on this. Light with his silver hammer, of course.

Quickly opening a new document to write the letter-her handwriting wasn't the finest to have-she started typing.

Dear Maxwell,

I'm sorry to bother you while you're studying your medicine . . . stuff, but your assistance is needed!

No, this isn't a cruel joke by some random person, this is a plea by some random person. Big difference if you haven't noticed.

There have been some well written stories going around, being awesome and all. Y'know, Blood Curdling and its sequel Foreshadowing by NJ2001 or Hoping To Take You Away by PurlyandGirl. Those three for example, have characters that deserve to have a good knock on head (or a couple thousand more if you want) after all they've done.

You, being the epic silver hammer wielder and all, have to help (!) me out with this. One of them has a silver dagger for goodness sake's! Imagine all the awfulness that could happen in this! Another has a cookie of doom! It could even be worse that the damage done with your hammer.

Her face gave way to a cunning smile. She knew that might make Maxwell upset. No one wants to be bested in anything they do, it's just human nature.

By the way, the characters you need to get are Mitch and Delia, who go by the epic ship name Ditch. If there are more characters you think you should get-like headhunters maybe-then it's all fair game and have at it! That's just more people to show the wrath of the silver hammer!

Just make sure there aren't any evil monkeys with coconuts. That, my friend can cause some trouble. It could probably even give you amnesia. Or just a really bad headache.

By the way, Mitch should be at the top of your list. You'll identify him by his all over craziness and the sudden urge to want to knock him out the second you see him. Mostly because of the fact he hates the Beatles for no reason at all. It makes no sense. As in, Revolution 9 is totally understandable compared to it.

His eyes are a scary green, his hair a sociopathic-like messy auburn. As you can see, he was made to make people afraid. Just like Helter Skelter.

Thanks for all your help in attacking the forces of utter insanity in stories. Even though the stories are good, those characters aren't so much.

With Love From,

Silver Hammer Enthusiast

With the last satisfied tap, she looked over the letter with a smile. There were other drafts of the letter that were quickly deleted. One was practically filled with capitalization and exclamation points.

Anger was definitely written all over that one. But it was pretty awesome.

The young writer saved the document and as she waited for the quick process to end, she wondered how she was going to send it. She didn't know if Maxwell had WiFi to get the letter via email or if his area had an unreliable mailman. Those could be the worst.

A quick click later, the printer started to flash, showing that she was hoping the mailman would be good just this one time. If he wasn't, well then another day of Mitch would be pure torture.

As it printed, a smile of accomplishment came to her. I'm going to get rid of a crazed killer, she thought to herself. And with only a couple of sentences. How did this get so easy?

The printer stopped and she ran down the stairs to get the envelope and stamps. All the while, she was whistling a very familiar tune.

Not funny, huh? I knew it . . . Comment anyways if you're not totally irritated. If you say so, I can write out Maxwell's response. But you've gotta say so. ;)