Blue Can Fade To Black (rottmnt)

Normal

Raph knew he messed up. Badly.

And had been messing up for some time.

It took to long to admit it. Unable to see through his jealous haze.

He wanted to scream, yell, cry for being so antagonistic and mean to his little brother.

He knew it wasn't really Leo's fault Mikey had gotten hurt. If anything it was his.

He was indeed the closest one to Mikey, and even if he wasn't, it was his responsibility as the oldest to watch over his brothers. Leader or not.

He was the biggest, the protector.

And yet he hadn't protected Mikey.

He had failed, not just with his youngest brother, but with Leonardo as well.

He had struck his brother, somthing he promised himself he would never, ever do. At least not in his right mind. And yet he had broken it. And it had happened so fast, to fast to even get a word in before his brother was gone. Out the medbay and into his room where he wouldn't reammerge to speak to him again.

He had tried. So, so hard. But Leo wasn't having it. He outright refused any interaction with his family.

Staying secluded in his room, purposefully side stepping them in the halls. The slider was very clear he wanted nothing to do with them.

Raph didn't blame him. Couldn't blame him. Even as he layed sobbing in his room at night, it was for nothing than his own foolishness. He didn't deserve Leo's forgiveness, even if the slider was willing to give it.

It didn't stop Raph from trying. Even if it was a lost cause.

     

There hadn't been talk of another patrol from their father. Splinter seemed to get that Leo wouldn't be willing to even entertain the idea.

A small, selfish part of him hoped dad would let Raph lead one again. Instead, he had ignored the issue all together. Raph pretended that didn't hurt. He knew Leo needed time, and when he was finally ready, he'd follow his brother completely, but Raph was still in perfect shape to run a mission with just Donnie if Leo refused to go.

And with Mikey getting better, who knows. He could tag along as well.

He shamed himself for wishing that. That he could have his role back while Leonardo was out of the picture.

He hated that he wanted that. So he shoved it down as far as it would go and forgot about it. He continued to try and reach out to his brother.

Even as he refused any interaction with his family, stayed secluded in his room, purposefully side stepped him in the hall.

For now, all he could do was hope he would heal on his own, untill he was willing to reach out to them. And untill then, Raph would wait patiently.

     

It had been a "normal" morning so far. Normal for these last few days anyway. He woke up, checked on Mikey, and went to the kitchen to have breakfast. So pretty normal over all.

And now he was holding a passed out Leonardo in the hallway.

The slider had walked into the kitchen, and got to work making a sandwich. He avoided all eye contact with Raph, which, he had to admit hurt a bit, but it was still normal. And raph was just relieved to see Leo out of his room at all.

Things became weird when Leo turned to look at him with wide, shocked eyes. He was confused and asked Leo if he was alright, he could feel his big brother senses going off.