almost; dream ✓

five

"do you want me to drive you?" anna's father asked as he peaked into her room.

she latched the top button on her cardigan before adjusting it in her mirror that sat in the corner of her room.

"i think i want to walk. it isn't too far."

"well if you want me to pick you up after i don't mind. i'll just be here all day."

her father picked up her tote bag off of the floor and draped it onto her shoulder. anna and her father always had a very special relationship. as young as she could remember, he would take her on father daughter dates. he always opened every door and pulled out every chair and picked her up for each one with a small bundle of flowers for her to keep in a vase in her room.

"i'm proud of you, ladybug." he said, dusting off the age old family nickname that anna used to exclusively go by.

"thanks dad. i'll be back in a bit, alright?"

anna made her way out of her family home and began walking the route that was first made known to her at the ripe age of fifteen.

about five months after her fifteenth birthday, anna sat her parents down and asked if it were normal that she was never happy. through many tears she voiced some concerning thoughts and said that she wanted to get help. after her mum pulled a few strings, anna walked her way to a nearby therapist's office, insisting on going alone.

she took the short, 20 minute walk on and off for the next few years. sometimes consistently twice a week for months, but other times she would go without stepping foot in the office for close to a year.

the office was homed in an older house that had been renovated for the practice. although she had not been back in about two years, she still knew to avoid the step that tripped her on her first few visits and she remembered the feeling of the old brass doorknob.

immediately upon entering, she noticed a young receptionist had replaced the older gentleman who held the job for so many years. it was a reminder that sometimes anna held a selfish world view and would forget that everything in the uk kept spinning even after she moved to america.

"hi! how can i help you?" the cheery redhead behind the desk asked if her high pitched voice.

"hello. um, anna smith. i have an appointment with dr. fredericks."

the instant deja vu that rushed over anna's body from this age old repeated dialogue was unexpected.

"lovely, go ahead and have a seat and dr. fredericks will be out with you shortly."

the small lobby had one couch, a rocking chair, and two love seats. anna always found herself sitting in the rocking chair, slowly moving back and forth to ease any pre-session anxiety. but she did not have that luxury today as a young girl sat there. she looked to be about the age anna was when she began her sessions. empathy took over her body knowing that she was once in her place, and maybe still was.

anna sat on the couch tapping the back of her phone until a calming and familiar voice called out "anna? come on back."

dr. fredericks was one of the few people that anna had placed total trust in. her kind spirit matched her soft appearance.

as soon as the door to her office shut, she pulled anna into a hug.

"hi darling." she said as she gave a tight squeeze and then motioned to the cushioned chair that held many memories of tears and healing for anna.

"hi, thank you for making availability for me."

"of course. when i gave you my phone number that wasn't just a nicety. me giving it to you also meant that you could have called me while you were off in big, old america. doing whatever there is to do in florida."

"yeah," anna trailed off. "i probably should have called a few times."

"that's alright. now, fill me in on the last few years. last time we spoke you were running away to live with your famous boyfriend."

anna word vomited for who knows how long. she talked about how honestly amazing the last two years had been. how clay treated her in a way that made her feels so loved and how well he took care of her. she talked about how it was the longest she had ever felt consistently happy. she talked about how it was hard moving away from her family and george, but that clay did everything in his power to make the transition as easy as possible for her.

she also talked about the last several weeks. when she felt a shift in her mind. that it was too good to be true. she began realizing that she was cursing clay to a lifetime of dealing with her and her mind if she stuck around. she began convincing herself that maybe she wasn't actually in love with him. and things just got worse when she realized how much those ideas hurt him.

"when was the last time you took your medication, anna? normally the pharmacist should have called me by now in order for you to continue getting it refilled."

"its been almost a year." anna admitted sadly.

"i'm not saying some tiny pill is gonna solve all of the issues you are speaking about, but historically you have made more improvements when we can match our sessions with your medication. so why don't we start that back up along with twice weekly sessions? how does that sound?"

anna sat for a minute. she knew her doctor was right. she always felt better when she was regularly taking her prescription. she just always got so caught up in feeling like she was weak because she took it.

but as she considered it, she thought about clay. she knew he would want her to do what was going to make her better. he would tell her that taking a pill doesn't make her weak, but it actually makes her strong.

"okay." anna agreed

clay

hey, i just wanted to tell you i've
started back in therapy and im
beginning to take my medicine again.
i thought you would want to know

i am seriously so proud of you anna
you are so much stronger than you know