almost; dream ✓

ten

TRIGGER WARNING
i don't typically do trigger warnings because of the preface at the beginning of the book, but this chapter is very sensitive and i do not want anyone taken off guard.

topics: depressive and suicidal thoughts, anxiety, drugs, accidental overdose

***

george has been in america for nearly two weeks.

he had been so intentional in calling anna everyday to check on her, even if somedays he only got two minutes of chatting.

anna was grateful she had removed her social medias from her phone because she didn't think she could handle what she assumed would be a flood of content relating to george, dream, and sapnap all finally being in the same country.

she hadn't talked with clay since their phone call. he had sent multiple texts apologizing for his tone and wanting to talk again, but anna couldn't get over herself enough to respond.

anna wasn't doing well and toby picked up on it. he didn't always know how to help, but he knew he didn't want her to feel alone. when he noticed there were days she was still in bed past noon, he would go and sit on her bed and normally wouldn't say much, but rather play on his phone and be present, occasionally showing her funny things he had found.

anna's mind was loud. especially at night. almost overwhelmingly. this night was no different.

it had been a slow day. she spent the first while in bed until toby asked if she would go with him to get food. she knew he was fully capable of going on his own and that this was his way of getting her out of the home. she agreed to please him and joined him on the walk to the sandwich shop a few blocks down from their home.

"the number 4 please. and a water to drink. and what do you want, anna?" toby asked as he placed his order.

"oh nothing. i'll eat at the house."

"make it two number 4s, thank you," toby paid before the two had a seat. "i at least want you to eat some of it."

anna only nodded. she was embarrassed that her brother was noticing her lacking in taking care of herself.

once they arrived home anna made herself eat a few bites to appease her brother before going to sit on the back patio of their home. it was cloudy which was anna's favorite type of weather.

she sat alone for a few hours, her legs tucked near her chest and staring at the way the wind blew the blades of grass and the weeds back and forth.

that evening is when things shifted.

anna was sat in her room, looking through her camera roll. she found herself in tears watching videos she had of her and clay. the pictures all had specific memories she easily recalled. the pain that came with the memories was unbearable, yet she couldn't look away.

her mind became violent. she told herself awful things about taking the blame in ruining her life and clay's. she felt the guilt like it was trying to claw its way out of her body in discomfort. there was no peace to be found.

she told herself that there was no one else to blame for her being in this situation. she was happy and content at one point. if she had been able to control her mind she would still be in her home with clay, george would even be near them now.

she was so exhausted by her thoughts, but her mind wouldn't shut off for her to sleep. the lack of rest was causing anna to become frustrated. she went to her bathroom to find relief.

after rummaging through the cabinet, she found an old sleep medication that had been prescribed to her when she was in high school and having difficulty falling asleep. she read the side and saw they were past their expiration.

but anna was desperate for rest.

she opened the container and shook two into her hand. she stared at the two measly white pills.

take a few more, her mind instructed. she shook a few more into the palm of her hand. without second thought, she tossed them into her mouth and threw her head back with water to swallow them.

anna's mind was numb, she didn't even acknowledge her actions. she instead stood staring at herself in the mirror. she didn't recognize who she was anymore. a few months ago she was so happy and fulfilled in life. now she was a mindless robot who was so unaware of what was happening that she couldn't tell she took far too many pills.

that was, until after staring at herself for multiple minutes, she became unbalanced and began leaning forward, barely catching herself on the counter. but not without knocking over many bottles and bathroom products and making enough noise to be heard from the other room.

anna quickly became aware of what was happening and panic set in as she was sat on her bathroom floor. she began to hyperventilate.

"anna? what was the noise?" toby stepped into the restroom and quickly took in his surroundings of his older sister on the floor holding her chest and the bottle of pills sat open on the counter.

"toby, please go. i-i'm alright. i don't wanna scare you." anna slowly stated through heavy breaths.

she began to try and stand and instantly lost al strength in her legs, falling into her brother's arms as he quickly dashed to catch her.

"mum! dad! call an ambulance!"