almost; dream ✓

thirteen

"it's just my room, is the blindfold necessary?" anna grumbled as her mum led her down the hall to her bedroom.

she didn't respond, instead she stopped her and slowly took off her blindfold.

"welcome home!" clay, toby, and her father said standing in her room under a banner that said the same phrase they cheered.

"welcome home!" george said delayed from the laptop on her bed.

george had been rather distraught during her hospital visit that he was stuck in america, unable to be present due to limitations of his newly acquired visa. he made up for his worry in consistent facetimes and regularly scheduled snapchat "update vlogs" that had been in their routine for quite some time. they are simply what they sound like- pretending to vlog the day when the only person that watches it is each other.

"thank you everyone. who cleaned up?" anna noticed her bed was made and laundry was put away, something she hadn't had the motivation to do in weeks.

"i did. figured it might make you feel a bit better." toby shrugged.

almost all of anna's guilt in the situation revolved around knowing toby was affected. as the older sibling, she was meant to be a protector. she was supposed to set a good example for him to follow. she could barely even keep herself alive.

she pulled him in for a hug and felt the guilt melt as she knew his love for his big sister had never been conditional. he had always looked up to her despite her performance or how she met standards.

"hi george." anna sat next to clay in front of her laptop, where she was met with her friend waving cheerily.

"how are you feeling?"

"good. a lot better now that i'm not stuck in a hospital room." george gave her a knowing smile in response.

"we'll give you some time with them to get settled back in, ladybug." her dad informed as both of her parents left the room.

"i guess that means i should go to." toby turned on his heels and left the room as well.

"well i won't be a third wheel." george chimed before leaving the call and leaving anna and clay alone.

anna couldn't comprehend why this felt so weird. she didn't know why she felt tension sitting on the same bed as the boy she had shared a bed with not very long ago.

"why don't i get you a change of clothes? you've been wearing those since the hospital."

"i can do it." anna didn't mean to sound harsh, she was just so drain of having to be helped with everything.

she pulled a clean pair of leggings out of her dresser along with a t shirt and pulled the door shut behind her to the bathroom to change.

this felt so silly to her as well. clay had seen every part of her, and she was hiding just to change her clothes?

while in the bathroom she took in her appearance. she was very careful to not look to long at the mirror when in the hospital because she knew she wouldn't like what she had to see. in the comfort of her home, however, she quickly washed her face and sprayed some dry shampoo into her hair to hold her over until she would shower that evening.

"you okay in there, anna?"

"i'm fine." anna responded with an annoyed tone.

anna had always been rather independent and these last few days of heavy reliance on others had completely drained her.

she left the bathroom and clay was still sat on the bed, but now had a worried look on his face due to her tone.

"um, can we talk about something?" clay shyly introduced, making anna feel guilty for her short temper.

"sure, whats up?" she sat on the bed with her back on the head board, facing him on the end of the bed.

"what's next?"

anna dreaded this question. she had been avoiding this question for the last two months. she had not had a plan this whole time and this question was the bane of her existence. this question meant anna needed an end goal, which she didn't have.

"what do you mean?" anna pretended to be oblivious, and clay bought it.

"well, i have to go back to america soon- like, two days soon. i can't have things just return to how they have been the last two months. this has been so awful on me, anna. i just don't know what i'm supposed to expect at this point."

anna sat without any answer to offer. she looked at clay and hated herself for the fact that she didn't have the comfort she wanted to offer him.

"you promised me you wouldn't give up on us." clay reminded her in a whisper.

the tension was suffocating. she didn't know if she had it in her to try and fix what she destroyed. she was barely able to take care of herself, much less their crumbled up relationship. it all seemed so hopeless. she wanted to cry and yell and tell clay
to just move on already and that she couldn't offer him anything else.

"what should we do?"