almost; dream ✓

nine

"anna, anna, anna."

"if you don't stop bouncing i'm going to be sick."

anna rolled over with her head in her pillow, not needing to see in order to know that george was standing on the end of her bed.

"it's nearly noon, wake up. we're burning daylight."

anna peaked one eye out from under the pillow to see george with his hands on his hips.

"what are we doing?"

"i'm so glad you asked," he jumped down to sit on his butt before grabbing anna's shoulder and rolling her over to look at him. "since i'm a prick and didn't tell you sooner about the visa, i am treating you to a fun day. we are gonna do our favorite things but mostly your favorite things."

"this seems like what someone would do before they put their dog down."

"that's the spirit. come on, get ready."

anna grumbled as she forced herself to get out of bed. george excused himself to the living room so she could get dressed. before she began looking for an outfit, she checked her phone to see if a text she sent last night had been responded to.

clay

hey i watched the video. im
really proud of you, i know
youve wanted to do this for a while

thank you ann. im so glad you
saw it. i wanted to ask your
thoughts before posting but
didn't wanna cross any lines.

how are you?

anna stared at the messages and bit the spot on the inside of her lip that she had made a habit of the last few weeks. she laid her phone down and began changing.

her mind was so conflicted. it seemed near impossible to try and move on.

logistically, she wanted to move on. she wanted to ignore ever repercussion of moving back home and delete clay's existence from her life. she wanted to go to the bars and find random men to help her forget about him so she could get past the pain and guilt of leaving.

emotionally, she missed him. she missed sitting in the room while he recorded and listening to his laugh fill the space. she missed when he would wake up first and plant a soft kiss on her forehead hoping not to wake her, but he normally did because he could never stop at just one kiss. she missed when they would be driving somewhere and he would have to pull over when he saw wildflowers to pick some for her. she missed the way he held her.

that may have been what she missed the most. the feeling of security she felt when his arms wrapped around her. that his first instinct was always to hold her when he was proud, or upset, or just wanted to express his love.

"you almost ready anna?" george shouted from the other room.

"almost!" she replied, despite the fact that she had only just grabbed an outfit.

she quickly changed into a pair of baggy overall shorts with a very simple grey tank top underneath. she brushed her hair out before clipped it out of her face and brushed her teeth before joining george.

"let's get going." george smiled and grabbed his friend's hand and led her out the door.

anna picked up her tote bag with her free hand and sent a quick text as the two walked out the door.

clay

im alright. lets maybe chat
on the phone later?

"this one looks like you." george giggled holding up a very creepy looking homemade doll.

"hush, the shop owner can hear you." anna grabbed the doll from his hands, trying to hold back a laugh.

the two were roaming around an outdoor farmer's market, just like they used to spend every weekend before anna moved to america. anna already had a bag full of fresh produce and they were now looking at the vendors with handmade goods they were selling.

as they were walking, george nodded to a set up that had different types of jewelry on display. upon further inspection, they were stamping jewelry and doing customization of necklaces and bracelets and rings.

"why don't we get something?" george suggested.

"how can i help you?" the teen girl working the stand with her father asked.

after looking over the options they were selling, george and anna decided on a simple silver ring that they each got stamped with the other's first initial. they fit the rings to their thumbs. george paid for them both before anna could argue.

"i'm really gonna miss you, george." anna finally brought up the elephant in the room.

"i'm really gonna miss you. even with whatever happens with you and clay, i still want you coming to see me. and i'll still be coming back to see you and my mum and sister. speaking of, have you spoke with clay?" george attempted to nonchalantly shift the conversation.

"somewhat. i want to talk but i also feel bad. its my fault we're in this situation."

"he doesn't view it like that." george responded focusing his gaze on his feet as they walked.

"has he talked to you about it?" anna wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"everyday," he gave a halfhearted laugh. "he loves you anna. he would talk about you to me everyday before this, nothing has changed."

these words echoed in anna's mind the rest of the day and wouldn't leave. she wondered what clay said when he talked about her. she wondered if he was actually okay.

anna tried to be present the rest of her and george's day as best as possible, but the thought of clay was so overwhelming that the second she returned home and was in the safety of her room all alone, she clicked clay's name in her call log. after a few rings he answered.

"hey, you alright?" worry coated his words.

"yeah, um- i'm sorry. i was just calling to say hi. is now a bad time?" anna felt embarrassed all of a sudden.

"no, of course not. one second, ann." anna assumed he meant to mute himself, but he must have accidentally not. "alright, i'm gonna hop off because something came up. thanks for hanging with me. i'll see you all for mcc tomorrow. bye everyone."

anna felt guilty that she was taking him away from a stream.

"sorry about that. what are you doing?" clay exhaled in relief to be talking with anna.

"well, george and i spent the day together since he leaves in a few days. i-i couldn't stop thinking about you today so i wanted to call."

"i'm really glad you did." clay said quietly.

"yeah-um, congratulations on the face reveal." anna awkwardly said, while mentally cursing herself for forgetting how to hold a normal conversation with one of the most important people in her life.

"thank you. did you see the memes all on twitter? i'm getting flamed." the small chuckled he
let out brought butterflies to anna's stomach.

"no, i didn't. i actually deleted all of my
social media. its been a bit easier without it," anna wanted a shift in where the conversation was going. "can i ask you something, clay?"

"you know you can."

"how am i supposed to move on?"

silence lingered for somewhere close to 30 seconds but it felt like an eternity to anna.

"don't ask me that, anna." clay responded quietly, trying to mask his hurt.

"i'm sorry, i didn't-"

"you might be ready to move on, but my hope is the only thing getting me through everyday. if you're needing to move on, don't ask me for help."

"i didn't mean it like that. i'm sorry." anna felt so stupid.

"i love you, anna. i can't hear that kind of stuff."

the phone call sat silent.