Dear Mom,
Ten birthdays and I wished for you on every single one. Ten mother's days spent yearning for you and praying that you would come home. Ten years of watching Dad mope around, grieving you, all while trying to clean up the mess you left. Five years watching Dad get back into the dating world, knowing that he could never love another woman the way he loved you. Ten Christmas' of me and Dad sitting next to the small 20-dollar Christmas tree from Target because we couldn't afford to get the big, traditional one. Ten Christmas' without making cookies for Santa then cuddling on the couch as we watched "Home Alone" and drank hot chocolate. I would kill to do that with you just one last time. Ten years of Dad consoling me when I would wake up crying for you. Screaming for my Mommy, knowing that you were long gone. Ten years of people telling me to move on and accept the fact that you were gone.
All of the traditional mother-daughter experiences, I never had. I didn't have you in the seventh grade when my crush asked me to the school dance. Nonetheless, I still ran home in hopes of seeing you in the kitchen making an after-school snack. I imagined us sitting at the bar— eating our snack together— and I would tell you about everything. From how he asked, to the flowers that he gave me in front of the entire school. But of course, that never happened. When those eighth graders bullied me because my real name — Noa — is a boy's name. I wanted nothing more than to be in your arms as you told me that my name was unique and I should embrace it, not go by my middle name and be embarrassed of who I am.
One time, when I was at a friend's sleepover, I saw the way she and her mom looked at each other. The way she would gush about her newest crush at school and her mom would sit there and listen to her. I wish we could've had that.
When I was twelve, I got my first period. I hid in the bathroom, refusing to come out because all I had was Dad and he couldn't relate to what I was going through. I thought I was dying. I balled my eyes out in the bathroom for half an hour because I thought I was going to die without seeing you again. When I heard the female voice on the other side, I thought it was you coming to save me. But it was just Grandma.
Tomorrow is my first day of high school, you'll miss that too. I'm not very excited. Dad says I'll be fine and love every second but I seriously doubt that. Middle school was such a bad experience for me, high school could be 10x worse. I wish you were here to give me a pep talk. Dad tries but his aren't that good (no offense). I bet yours are amazing.
I know I should be mad at you. I shouldn't even think about you because you left me and dad. I know I shouldn't wish that you come back. I know I shouldn't write you these letters, but I can't help it. You're my mother. Every daughter needs a mother— every daughter wants her mother. Everyone tells me that I should despise you because a good mother doesn't leave her daughter, but I just can't. It's been ten years and I still love you. Ten years, and I still pray that one day you'll knock on the apartment door and apologize for everything. Deep down, I know you won't come back. But a part of me hopes that one day— when everything goes to shit— you will be there. When the world comes to an end because of a zombie apocalypse, robots take over, or more realistically; global warming— I want you to be there. I know that you'll be there. You'll come back for me, right?
Your daughter,
Noa (Luna) Williams
After signing her name, she closed her notebook and put it back in the hiding spot under her pillowcase. She didn't like to call it a diary because that felt cliché and childish, but that was what it was. Her counselor told her that if she didn't want to talk about her feelings, she should write them down. So that's what she had been doing for the past five years. She tried to write in it every day but some days she had nothing to say and other days she couldn't put her pen down. It was mostly filled with letters to her mom. The letter's updating her about her life and what she's been doing. Or letter's like this one where she reminisced on everything she didn't have.
Tomorrow would mark the day that she left. The day that would haunt Luna for the rest of her life. She never knew why her mother left, she was only four and her father told her that she was going on a vacation. Days, months, and years passed. She grew up and realized people don't go on vacation for that long.
Ten years was a long time for anybody. Every day she thought about her mother. What she looked like, what her name was, or if she started a new life. Luna didn't remember anything about her mom. She was only four when she left and all she had was her memory. When her mom didn't come back, her dad threw away all of their family photo's on the wall. Luna remembered watching her dad in a frenzy go throughout the house, erasing any trace they have of her mother. Luna tried to write down everything she remembered about her mom but her memory was starting to fade. She couldn't remember what her voice sounded like. Or what her hugs felt like.
Luna perked up after hearing the sound of keys jiggling in the front door. She ran out of her room to greet her dad in the living room. Her dad always came home late because of work. He was the head chef of one of the best restaurants in Lower Manhattan. After a long four years of college then going to Culinary school, he was finally able to have the job of his dreams. It caused him to miss a lot of his daughter's life but it kept them afloat.
As much as Luna missed her mother, her father was the best. While her mother was living a new life, her father was there. He stepped into her mother's role and did all the things that she was too afraid to do. He protected her from the bullies. He held her until she fell asleep after waking up from a bad dream. He was there to walk her through her first period— even though he didn't know what he was doing. He was there and that's all Luna could ever ask for.
"I thought you weren't coming home until 11?" Luna asked as she gave her father a side hug because his other arm was carrying two to-go bags.
"It wasn't busy so I got to leave early," Jesse responded. He lead them into the kitchen and set down the bags and began to open them. "Did you not want to see me?"
"I did, just wasn't expecting you so soon." Luna watched as her father dumped the takeout boxes onto plates for the two of them. "What did you bring?"
"Your favorite; potato gnocchi," Jesse replied with a smirk. He reheated them in the microwave as Luna poured two glasses of ice tea. They sat at the small dining table with only two chairs, because that was all they needed. They talked about their day and what would happen as tomorrow grew closer.
"Are you excited for your first day of high school tomorrow?" Jesse asked as he sat back in his chair after finishing his meal.
"A little bit..." Luna trailed off. High school wasn't at the front of her mind, in fact, that was the last thing she cared about. Ten years. An entire decade without her mother. That was what she was focused on.
Jesse sighed as he read Luna's face. He reached across the table and grabbed Luna's hand. "I'm sorry, princess. I'm sorry that I couldn't stop her. But we're better off without her, okay?"
Luna nodded her head, even though she didn't fully understand. How could he know that they were better off without giving her the chance to come back?
"What does she look like?" Luna asked. She knew how much her father hated talking about her mother but she wanted to know. Her memory was fading and she had no pictures to look back on.
"You." Jesse spoke while Luna tilted her head to the side in confusion. "She had big brown eyes that would light up her entire face. These freckles scattered over her face but she would always cover them with makeup. And this huge, contagious smile that made you believe everything would be okay. She looked like you."
Her dad was amazing and she wouldn't trade him for anything, but she just wanted to know what it was like. She wanted to know what it's like to have someone to go to when you get mad at your dad. She wanted to know what it was like to have a spa day with your mother. She wanted to know what it was like to have a mother. Just for one day.
welcome to my new story! i know there's no demi in this chapter but i bet y'all can guess who she is 😉. vote/comment pls!!
