Lain

29

G E R T H Y

Everything got messed up since Ely came to our lives.

Gumulo na ang lahat, kahit wala naman siyang ginagawa. O wala nga ba?

"Don't think of Ely like she's the kontrabida here, Ty! 'Yong kay Marga, gawa 'yon ng parents niya. I'm 100% sure. While kay Mike, you've seen it in your own eyes, Ty. It's an accident." Robbie bit her lower lip. "Iyong akin naman, kasalanan ko talaga. I deserve to be punished, Ty."

Tatlong araw na nakalilipas mula noong naaksidente si Mike. He's in coma now. At hindi namin alam kung kailan siya gigising.

Binalita ko na kay Marga ang nangyari, now, I'm with Robbie here in the rehab station. Nandito siya hindi lang dahil nakagawa siya ng kasalanan. She was diagnosed in some kind of mental illness. Hindi ako makapaniwala noong una. But then I realized, she was violated by her own father that caused her a trauma.

Robbie's father is in jail now. Kung hindi siguro minor si Robbie ay parehas sila ng ama niya na nasa selda.

"Akala ko.. no one will know. I thought I scared her enough to shut her up. Pero kahit pala hindi siya magsalita, magsumbong, gagawin pa rin lahat ng pamilya niya para malaman ang nangyari sa nakaraan. To give her justice," Robbie smiled faintly, "Ang swerte niya, Ty. Sana gano'n din si Nanay."

"Robbie.."

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. She's breaking down again. Tuwing binibisita ko siya, sa ganito palagi nauuwi ang kamustahan namin.

Robbie became emotional. Wala na 'yong dating sigla na meron siya. Her conyos are still there, pero 'yong taray wala na. She's also not the Robbie De Leon who talks confidence with her red lips. Ngayon, maputla na ang mga labi niya at ibang uniporme na ang suot niya.

I wanna punch her father for making Robbie suffer. Dapat sa mga lalaking katulad ng tatay niya, pinapatay na.

Walang karapatan pang mabuhay ang mga rapists.

"Pero it's my fault din naman talaga, 'di ako nagsalita, 'e. Then, I made it worse pa. May dinamay pa akong ibang tao.." Her tears started falling."Wala akong pinagkaiba kay Tatay, Ty. I'm a rapist, too. Kung lalaki lang din ako, and I encountered Lain there, maybe I won't think twice on raping her because I was raging mad—"

Hindi ko napigilang ihampas ang kamay ko sa lamesang pumapagitna sa amin.

"Robbie naman! Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo? Bawiin mo 'yan! You don't mean it!"

She cried harder, "But that's the truth, Ty! I'm sick! I can't still fucking accept it, Ty. I became nymphomaniac pagkatapos akong gahasin ni Tatay. Do you know how disgusted I am sa sarili ko? Pero ang hilig ko pa rin. I can even think of me having sex with my male nurse.." She grab her head and looked at me. "See how not normal your best friend is? Ilang linggo na akong nandito pero pakiramdam ko hindi ako gumagaling, Ty. Pinadadalhan nila ako ng psychotherapist pero wala.. and I think I'm just getting worst here. Alam kong deserve ko 'to, pero ayaw ko rito Ty. Pakiramdam ko mas nababaliw ako.."

Gustong-gusto ko siyang yakapin, pero pinigilan ko ang sarili. Alam kong kapag niyakap ko siya, hindi na naman niya ako papakawalan. The last time I hugged her in here, kinailanganan pa siyang turukan ng pampakalma para mabitawan ako.