Naruto POV:
I knew what I was doing was bad, okay bad doesn't even cover it but I had a good reason to be doing this to myself right?
Wrong actually.
I didn't know what was happening to me, but at the same time I knew exactly what I was doing to myself and my body.
I wasn't me anymore. I was the weaker version of me.
The version that took shit from everyone and everything. The prototype that struggled and struggled without no gain.
I was that Naruto who desperately needed love and guidance from my family but all I got was a fucking cold shoulder.
I was that stupid lemon blonde, ramen eating idiot who decided running away from home and living by myself with Granny Tsunade supporting me alongside would help solve my extensional crisis.
Building someone else who was stronger and more powerful in the peer hierarchy system, but only to crumble against Sasuke Uchiha.
All of this started with a lighted match of insecurities in the deepest pits of my stomach, eventually that stick of fire sound itself a bottle of petroleum or even a stick of dynamite. Whatever was explosive enough and was ready to blow like an angered volcano throwing a fit of rage.
(A/N side note: Not me thinking of the lyric 'ligHt iT Up lIkE dYnaMiTe'
While writing that paragraph 😂😭)
I couldn't explain all of this, not every feeling once at a time, I could feel the volcano of emotions beginning to erupt now.
I hated everything going in my life right now, I don't know why! And I know others are suffering more than me, but I feel like a shit stain on the bottom of some blind strangers shoe. I related to a piece of road kill, lying helpless and dead on the road. Waiting to be run over by merciless drivers, or to be picked up and thrown on the side walk for others to look at me in absolute disgusted.
The worst of all these feelings was my likeness for the obsidian-eyed Uchiha, whenever I see him I lose the sense of my cool and aloofness. Which turns into a social awkward blob-fish who's about to say a public speech in assembly!
My heart loved him, in fact it most probably pumped blood into my artistries just for the raven. But my mind refuses to be close or even around him for long.
(Apart from English)
My body was like a magnet attracted to him, attempting to get closer but I pull away. I would never admit all of this aloud but I guess always thought it.
I just couldn't be a nuisance to Sasuke at all, so I shoved all my feelings deep into my gut hoping it won't vomit out.
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
Midnight strikes. All of my home, Konoha was silent as the night while the cold breeze picks up from at random paces.
The whole vibe of tonight reminded me of the Christmas hymn/carol, Silent Night.
It was a childhood memory listening to that song, mostly because it was the only Christmas carol I really knew and loved.
It always made me tired and drifty, it was like a sleeping drug to me as a kid.
Suddenly my eye-lids gain weight, my head demands sleep and the uncontrollable want for sleep tries to persuades me to head to bed.
But like my mind refusing to be with Sasuke, my mind also refused to go to sleep.
Lately, these days going to sleep was already enough of a nightmare for me.
Old and not very fond memories of home plays like a vintage mixed tape, the only difference is that the movie that I watch when I go to sleep is rather a horror film than a rom-com. When people dream of their parents it's for some weird ass reason, but whenever I dream of my parents it usually means trouble for me.
The first and last time it happened was when I first left the coop, those days were rough. My mental health plummeted and some days I didn't even have the will to get out of bed, I'm so grateful for Baa-Chan who was looking (and still) looking after me.
I was just so tired of everything and everyone, I just wanted to be apart of..
Tears started to silently escape my eyes, leaving a ticklish feeling of the continuous snake-shaped tear, which was currently rolling down my cheek. I waited.
I waited for the little liquid particle to disappear under my chin, to finally be wiped away for another to have their chance for escaping.
Why am I like this..? Why do I always hurt myself and what do I do it for, maybe it was to punish myself or just my parents rath trying to seep inside of me.
I didn't even finish my very depressing and internal sentence and my tear ducts started operating just from my reflexes.
Was it because I've been crying way to much recently, or have I just have into my lost pride? I questioned myself more and more just to sadden myself. I felt like crying, letting it all out for the 7 1/2 time this week.
*Phone noises*
(A/N side note: IDK WHAT TO DO SO I JUST DID THAT 😂)
My phone buzzed, vibrated and made the default Apple Iphone ring-tone sound which I was intending to change soon enough. I picked it up and it was-
JIRAIYA?! At such a random hour as well?
A smile snuck up on my face, kinda like a rainbow when the rain finally goes away and the sun begins to shine! Then I realised something; what if he finds out about me? And about the current mess that was going on in my very stupid life, and that I'm possibly gay for Sasuke Uchiha.
Suddenly the rain appeared as quick as it went, now the question is do I pick up or not?
TBC
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Y'all are probably DONE with my dumbass apologising so I'm just gonna mention that the updated are gonna be a bit more slower than it use to be! But I swear it won't be to slow, promise!
Anyway thanks for read and sorry FOR THE LAST TIME- 😂💗
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