Vicious Cycle

17

"You're in charge of the Mafia." Miranda stated viciously.

"Miranda." Ben started reaching for her.

"Don't fucking touch me." Miranda fumed moving away from him.

"You deceived me. Why would you do that. You made me fall in love with a facade. When clearly you are a bad man. You are a criminal, you kill, you take and you are destructive." Miranda snapped.

"That's not true." Ben returned.

"You know I would have never been with you if I had known who you were. Why would drag me into this life style?" Miranda questioned angrily as she cried.

"You know I didn't want to at first. I told you that. I told you that I didn't want to like you and that I couldn't be with you, but I fell in love with you despite.

"I had no choice to become this Miranda." 

You did have a choice and you made it." Miranda yelled before storming out of the kitchen.

The morning Miranda slowly got ready for work. She was tired, barely sleeping last night because she was so angry.

Miranda opened her door to leave and she saw Ben sitting in the hallway with his back against the wall.

She rolled her eyes and started to walk pass him. "Miranda." Ben tried.

"I don't want to talk to you. Not now and not ever." Miranda gritted as she walked down the steps.

"I'm ready Kyle." Miranda told him as she walked to the door.

"Ma'am you are forgetting your smoothie and muffin." Author said bringing it to her.

"Thank you so much. Have a good day."

It was late when Miranda got home from work. She was tired beyond measure and mainly it was Ben's fault. She kept thinking about everything that has transpired. She was in love with a liar.

Miranda got off the elevator and she looked at Ben sitting by the wall. "You are still out here."

"As long as it will take until you talk to me."

"Now you want to do a lot of talking. I've asked you to be up front with me. I've asked you to tell me the truth and you chose not to. Now I'm choosing to leave. I don't want to be with you and I don't want to be here anymore I'm moving out." Miranda told him.

"No don't go." Ben said sadly.

Miranda looked at him as he rose up.

"You're not going." Ben told her.

"Excuse me ?" Miranda questioned looking at him up and down.

"I said you are not going anywhere Miranda." Ben barked loudly.

"I do what I please and I'm done with you." Miranda told him about to walk into her room.

"I don't care how mad you are and what you feel Miranda but what I do know is that you aren't moving a dam thing out of here and you are not going no where." Ben gritted grabbing her arm roughly.

Miranda looked into his eyes as he stared back. She wasn't scare of him anymore and she was 1000% percent sure that he wouldn't hurt her. At least physically.

"You don't own me Benjamin." Miranda sneered.

"Yes I do. You are mine. I own your heart. I own your mind and body. You love me Miranda." Ben responded seriously.

Miranda knew that. A day of being mad wouldn't change how she felt about him. She was wholeheartedly in love with him. She knew that.

Miranda decided that she should just leave right now. She snatched her hand out of his. "You don't love me how I love you. If you did you wouldn't have been pretending about who you are. You are a criminal and a killer. You are not the man that I thought you were. I'm gone." Miranda yelled turning to walk down the hall.

Ben caught up to her and before he could control himself he lifted her up and threw her across his shoulder.

"Put me down." Miranda shouted.

Ben walked with her into her room and he kicked the door close with his foot. The slam of the door echoed through the room.

Ben threw Miranda on the bed roughly and stared down at her. "Miranda this is not who I am." He voiced harshly rubbing his face and she could see his eyes red from sleep deprivation and his angry tears were pooling.

"I'm not crazy Miranda...don't make me crazy." Ben gritted rubbing his face.

"And yet you say you would never kidnap me...."That was only for your safety." She mocked.

"Well what do you call this." She yelled at him.

"I don't care. You are not leaving." Ben yelled back and his fist were balled, Miranda could see the vein in his neck from the anger he was displaying.

"Just....just hear me out." His voice softened.

She could tell he was still fuming. He paced the floor before leaning against the dresser on his hands as he blew a breath out. Miranda could see his hands shaking.  She thought she had seen him completely angry before but this took the cake.

She was honestly flattered that he would display this much emotion for her and then she realized how toxic she was. She was in love with a criminal and she admired the toxic behavior he was displaying.

She had to admit that the bad guy act drew her to him and she couldn't understand why. She just didn't know that he was in this bad or deep.

"I saw my father kill someone for the first time when I was eight years old." Ben started.

"And I vowed to never do this. I never wanted to take someone's life. I didn't fully understand what he was until I was about 13 or 14. I realized that he was one of the richest and most feared men. They feared my father because he feared nothing." Ben added blowing out another breath.

"I was the first born, so naturally I was going to inherit all of the wealth and the business. I did not want to become the leader of the most successful Mafia on the pacific coast but it fell in my lap. You think I had a choice but there was not one. It didn't matter that I was a doctor. It was my turn to reign and you can't ignore it.

Ignoring it might as well had been a death sentence for me and my brother. Once word would have got out that I didn't want it and was out That meant every single Mafia would have been gunning for this territory. It would have been a war over this state. I did what I had to do and once you're in, you're in and there's no getting out.

I took my dad's crooked business and I made it better. I made it legal, I made it legit. I came up with a treaty amongst other territories and everyone agreed. There would be no killing and no stealing of one's territory or business. My motto was there is plenty of business for everybody why kill each other over it. I'm the most respected because I do what say and say what I mean.

I killed some one for the first time when I was 29 years old right when I took on this role. In this business you have to be like fox and recognize traps but also a lion, roar to scare the wolves away....but I was neither. I was new at this whole lifestyle and to be quite honest I was scared. I was scared that I would get killed. A true gangster can smell out a person's weakness and strengths in a matter of minutes and what they can sense most of all is what their bodies are attuned to, and that's the scent of fear.

I was ambushed a week after my father's funeral. I raised my gun to shoot and apart of me couldn't, but I had to. Man is the hardest animal to kill. If he gets away, he will come back to kill you. So I did what I had to do.

I was sick for days after that because all I could think about was the 3 dead bodies that I murdered.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

I'm not the criminal that you think I am. I'm a good guy. I told you before that I killed to not be killed and that's installed in me. I am afraid of nothing. Nothing scares me anymore. Except you.”

Miranda's eyes widen looking at him intently. "I'm scared of losing you. I could be face to face with a gun and not flinch at all but you telling me you are going to leave chilled me to my bones." Ben admitted and the tears welded up in his eyes.

"I love you. You know my father instilled in me since I was a little boy to never sacrifice 3 things. My family, my heart and my dignity. And I messed up. I put my heart on the line despite what he said and now you have it and I don't regret it. I love you and I'm sorry and you can't go." Ben voiced hurt.

Miranda had tears falling and she stood to her feet walking over to him slowly. She felt bad for him and a part of her hated that. She hated the love she had for him. It was a circle game and she found herself right back here.

"What if I showed you all my flaws, when we first met, instead of showing you what you wanted to see. Would you still feel the same way about me?"

Miranda was silent because knew the answer was no.

"I tried everything that I could for you to see the real person that I was. I wanted you to know and love me for who I truly am. That wasn't a lie or a facade. That was the real me and you are the only one who has ever got to see that. I don't know where I stand with you and I don't know what I mean to you anymore but I will never stop loving you. You allowed me to be the man that I always wanted to be and let out and you can't take that away from me." Ben said and he met Miranda half way and reached out to touch her slowly.

"If my love for you is criminal Miranda then I want to be on your most wanted list." Ben told her as he cupped her face. Ben kissed her lips and Miranda couldn't help but to kiss him back.

This was scary for her because she signed herself up to be with a man who was the fucking mafia. She guess she had unknowingly did that anyway when she decided to be his girlfriend. She didn't know exactly what he was but she knew he had other dangerous and shady stuff going on. She saw him kill someone already and she still decided to be with him then, so what would it look like if she left him now.  It was hard to resist the "bad guy" who is a good man.

She committed crimes with him too. She killed and lied to the police and dam it she would do it again. If loving Ben was a crime then she was proud to be a criminal. Hell they committed the perfect crime together already. He stole her heart, and she stole his and there was no going back.

Ben lifted Miranda and she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. Their tongues swiped against each other tentatively. Miranda was emotional and so was Ben.

He walked over to the bed with her and laid back and Miranda sat up and looked down at him. "I love you too." She confessed and leaned down and kissed his lips. Ben slid his hand through her hair and cupped the back of her head. His other arm was around her back as he held her to him.

Miranda laid into his neck contently, she could hear how fast his heart was racing and she was worried about him. If it went any faster, it would be come irregular.

"Calm down Ben please." Miranda begged rubbing the side of his face and pepper kissing the side of his head.