Vicious Cycle

19

Months passed and Miranda and Ben were so in love. They continued to learn everything they could about each other. Ben knew Miranda liked the back of his hand and Miranda loved that Ben could be completely honest and free with her. She still felt un easy sometimes, when he would come back from "handling" something but Miranda knew it was someone and she just never asked.

The blood left behind told a story of its own. Miranda was just grateful that it was her love that came back every time those situations arose.

She was also happy that Ben and Curt’s relationship was building. He came over for dinner often and she heard them talking on the phone. It was good for Ben that he had another person who would be there for him.

Miranda and Ben just finished another trip to the Bahamas. They went to oversee the building of the resort and it was coming along nicely. Miranda helped with the designs and it was beautiful to see her work come to life.

James exited the plane first, followed by Miranda and Ben then the rest of the men.

Ben had his hand on the small of Miranda's back as they got off. Walking towards the black Suv that was waiting for them.

Suddenly out of nowhere shots were fired ringing out into the air. Before Miranda could process anything, she recollected that she was against the street, and Ben was on top of her shielding her from gun fire.

Miranda had a major headache instantly, her head must have hit the pavement. Her ears were ringing like crazy.

"Ben." Miranda groaned as her eyes stayed concentrated on the pavement that her nose touched.

After a while Ben got off of her and retrieved his gun. They were behind the SUV using that for cover. Miranda sat up some and looked around.

Kyle, James, David and Ben were shooting at the cars next to one of the building across from them. Ben looked over at Miranda multiple times to make sure she was okay. The shooting was also coming from behind the car as well as the building it was parked next to. Ben was on the left of her and Kyle was on the right.

Miranda grabbed Kyle's second gun from his leg holster and he turned to look at her confused. She ignored him and took the gun off of safety as she crouched down beside Ben.

Miranda slid over some to get a better visual and vantage point. She scanned the building and realized that all she had to do was stand up and she could hit the two guys on the side of building that neither of the men were shooting.

Miranda took a deep breath and she stood quickly firing the gun four times. She hit one guy in the shoulder and the other in the neck. She watched as their bodies hit the ground and she knew that if her hand wasn't shaking from fear she would have got their heads.

Miranda scooted back down and she watched as everyone looked at her.

"What?" She yelled, not trying too but the gun shots messed with her hearing.

Miranda then realized that the guns stopped shooting and it was silent. Everyone slowly stood up from behind the cars and Miranda followed suit after they gave the Okay.

When she stood she quickly felt pain in her leg and she winced. She grabbed for her leg and felt the warm blood touch her hand.

Miranda looked at her hands covered in blood and saw the blood running down her leg.

"Miranda." Ben gasped as he grabbed her hands. He looked at her leg and he took his shirt off tying it around her leg tightly.

"Come on let's get you home." Ben voiced scooping her up into his arms.

Miranda was silent for a while as she stared at her hands in shock. "I was shot." She whispered in disbelief.

It was burning like crazy. When they got home Ben carried her up stairs to his bed room. He brought her into the bathroom and sat her on the counter.

I'm going to go get the first aid kit."

"I made a better one with all the supplies from the hospital. It's in my room under the sink." Miranda told him softly and Ben nodded as he ran off.

Miranda looked at her hands again and then at herself in the mirror. "This is not who you are Miranda Bailey." She told herself.

"You are doctor Miranda Bailey. You save lives. You don't take them away." Miranda voiced and she began to cry.

Ben came back quickly and Miranda could see that he was stressed out, scared and angry.

He washed his hands before opening the kit and putting on gloves.

Ben slowly un wrapped the wound and he hissed a little bit at the sight. Seeing Miranda with all this blood was making him sick.

Ben moved her leg closer to the sink bowl and he turn the faucet on. He used water to clean around the graze and then used a wound cleaning gel to go back over it.

Miranda watched Ben as he gently moved and worked. He was meticulous about how he was doing everything.

Ben used wound closures to pull the wound together. He prayed that it wouldn't scar bad.

After he finished he wrapped it up lightly and walked over to the big tub and turned the water on.

He made sure it was the right temperature and let it fill up.

Ben began to take Miranda's dress off followed by her underwear before he carried her to the tub. He eased her down inside and made sure her wounded leg rested against the side so it wouldn't get wet.

Ben washed Miranda up and washed the blood off of her hands. He dried her off and laid her on the bed, applying lotion to her skin.

Miranda stayed silent having a mental battle in her own mind. She felt delighted that Ben was taking care of her. She hasn't ever had a man treat her like this and then again she had never been shot or grazed before either. This was just a lot to process. She didn't know if she could do this anymore, sadly, meaning that she couldn't be with him anymore.

After Miranda was in her pajamas Ben pulled the covers back and put her on bed. He was going to go down to his office to think and to come up with something.

Ben kissed her on the forehead and turned to leave. "Can you just lay here with me." Miranda asked quietly.

Ben turned and looked at her. "Of course." He voiced as he walked back over.

He took his clothes off and found pajama pants before sliding into the bed. Ben scooped her up and laid her on his chest, he rubbed her back soothingly and sighed.

"I am so sorry Miranda." He apologized. He felt heavy and like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. The woman that he loved was hurt and he felt every bit of her pain.

He knew that this shouldn't keep happening or that it shouldn't happen again. Miranda didn't deserve this, yet he couldn't say it. Because saying it meant truthfully she shouldn't be with him and he couldn't bare the pain of her leaving. Even thinking about it made his heart hurt and pound.

"Ben calm down." Miranda encouraged as she rubbed his arm. His heart was beating so fast it scared her.

Two days passed and Miranda's leg was healing just fine. It was her mental that was messed up. She decided that she had to tell Ben that she was done. Tears were falling just thinking about those words.

Ben came into the room and he gave Miranda a soft smile but then he saw that she was crying.

"Baby what's the matter?" Ben rushed to her.

"I can't do this Benjamin. I can't live this life style. I can't constantly look over my shoulder. There's no future in this. I can't get pregnant and even if I could I can’t bring a child into this. This is a vicious circle and it will always end up right here where we are now. Chaos. This is not the lifestyle that I want to live. I love you but I just... I can't." Miranda cried loudly.

There it was, somehow he knew that it was coming. He stood in front of her and he looked down at her bandaged leg. He was angry that this happened and even more devastated that this was the end. He had to let her go.

She was right there wasn't an end to this and it was only going to get worst. Miranda was his whole world and if someone was to kill her, he wouldn't be able to exist anymore. But he didn't want her to ever leave him.

"Miranda I can't. You can't leave." He told her forcefully.

"Ben you can't force me to stay. This isn't the time for you to be all possessive and cave man. I want out. Let me go."

"I love you too much Miranda."

Miranda was silent looking up at him and when the words never came out her mouth.  "You don't love me anymore?" He questioned.

"I don't love this." She answered softly still crying.

Ben's eyes were full of tears and Miranda had to put her head down to not look at them, but still she found herself looking up into his sad beautiful eyes.

Ben stood and stared. She could see that he was thinking deeply. She watched as he started to say something but then he closed his mouth and just nodded his head. "Okay." He whispered.

"I have to let you go but I will be in love with you for the rest of my life and there isn't a day where you won't ever take up space in my mind." Ben spoke, his voice affected from his sadness.

It wasn't easy letting go the person you love and it was even harder because it was the right thing to do. She deserved to be safe at all times and happy. She deserved a beautiful marriage and family.

"You're better off without me and I am better off alone. I knew that and yet I still tried to make reality something else." Ben stated wiping his eyes.

"Ben- Miranda started.

"Goodbye Miranda. You can take anything you want from here and the guys can help you move...take care of yourself." He told her before walking out of the room.

Miranda wanted to call after him and tell him to come back but she knew that she shouldn't. She needed to go.