The Boy With The Blue Eyes [Louis Tomlinson Story AU]

Chapter 15

     When I woke up, i was dizzy, and didn't know exactly where I was. As i tried to sit up, i felt a sharp pain in my arm, and as i glanced over, I saw the cuts. They were scabbed over, and no longer bleeding, but the sure didn't look pretty. Now, people may think I had been overreacting alot, like alot alot, but to be honest I wasn't. Stress has never been my strong suit, and now I was to deal with picking between the love of my life, and a boy i had definite interest in. Adding a distant mother, who was currently gone for a while on a business trip, having to take care of two younger sisters, and feeling like my father's suicide was all my fault, was enough to push anyone to do what i did.

     Truly, I had been considering doing this for a while now, but not only have i not been able to get ahold of a razor, but i couldn't ever hide from anyone. Between the girls asking me for help, Maliya and the girls coming over, and now, Louis and Liam's constant concern for me at all time's, I hardl even had time for homework.

     What scared me the most, was that now that I looked at the used piece of glass next to the tub, my mouth watered. I knew there was a hunger to do it again, because I felt in control, but there was another reason for the watering, and as soon as I figured it out, I was out of the tub as fast as i could go. Stumbling trying to avoid the glass shards from last night, I made it just to the toilet as the bile came up.

     Once I cleaned up that mess, and brushed my teeth, I began to gingerly sweep up the glass pieces; turning on the shower as i did to wash away any remaining traces of blood.

      Then I checked on the girls, all still asleep as it was only 7:00 am on a Saturday morning. CLimbing under my sheets, I finally let the flood of questions open up. When did I ever stoop so low as to hurt myself intentionally? That wasn't like me at all, and I was scared of that. Not only would I have to live with the memory forever, but depending on the way they look now, i'll have to deal with these scars for a long time, as well.

      Why? Why did it hurt so bad though? It wasn't as though Louis or Liam had died like my father. They were simply asking me to choose between the two, which was something I could've sworn before hand was already a made decision.

     This was honestly bizarre in every way . Why did I take it that far ? What the hell was I thinking? I don't self-harm, and my situation wasn't nearly half as bad as I thought. Positivity was something that usually came pretty easily for me, and i tend to bounce back fast from a bad situation.

      Then suddenly, I felt completely happy, like over bubbling with joy. I wan't to smile all day, and never stop, then dance around. I had a slightly vague awareness in the back of my mind that my mood changed in a split second, but that didn't bother me.

       I stood from my bed and called Maliya.

      "Hey Mi, want to come over? I can't exactly go out and do anything with a broken leg." I knew I sounded awful chipper after being hit by an SUV, and just mutilating my own flesh, but whether Maliya was aware of that or not she didn't let me know. She gave me a quick 'be over in ten,' then hung up.

       I changed clothes as best I could, and pulled a sweatshirt over my head, pulling the sleeve low over my hand. Hobbling down the stairs was no easy task, but I managed to do it, when i smelled something unusual. As I half limped, half dragged myself to the kitchen, I saw someone at my stove.

      "Hey Alice, thought I'd help you out today since you've got the girls, and no mobility." Louis smirked at me. Rolling my eyes, I plopped down at the bar, I was too overly happy to be freaked out that he had gotten into my house while I was passed out in my own tub of blood upstairs.

        Then suddenly I remembered some vital information.

     "Louis you can't cook for shit!" The smell registered in my nose as burning eggs, toast, and bacon. He chuckled at my statement, and dumped the burnt food in the trash, smiling sheepishly at me.

       Just then Maliya walked in, waving her hand by her nose, a face of disgust displayed obviously. So she smelled it too. She walked over to me and handed me a bag of breakfast from McDonalds, and I smirked at Louis as I opened it, breathing in the smell deeply.

       When I reached for napkins though, my sleeve slipped, and Maliya latched on to my hand. She pulled back the sleeve, gasping with wide eyes at my cuts. I tried to pull my arm back, but she wouldn't let go of it. That made me mad. Who was she to hold me like this ?

       "Maliya, let go." I said through gritted teeth.

      "You better have a damn good reason for this Alice!" And we were both on our feet, my stool clattering down behind me.

      "It's none of your business Maliya! Just leave me alone, it isn't your problem now is it? So just go crawl back to Harry, and stay the hell out of my personal business!" I snapped, I could feel deep inside me that something was off. Not just with the way Louis stayed quiet and gawked at me, but something was off with me. I never got angry, ever, and if i did it certainly would not be with Maliya.

       I threw the food in the trash, and made incredible timing into the living room, when Mi followed me.

      "Excuse me? I'm not the one who's slicing away on her arm! Don't tell me to mind my own business, because you're my best friend, you are my business. This isn't normal ! Al, your suddenly angry over nothing, and your cutting yourself?! When did this happen, and when were you planning on telling ME about it?" I felt the rage slip out of me as quickly as it came, and then I suddenly felt so sad that I clutched a pillow in my hands because I felt as though i were ripping apart.

          She was right, this wasn't me. My emotions are haywire, and I don't feel like me. But there was something that really burned my mind. What was wrong with me?

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