"Dude Looks Like a Lady"

Chapter 2 A Ray of Sunlight (Crystal's POV)

(Writer's note: I'm doubting my writing skills now... I had an attempt of trying to balance both humour and deepness- I think I may have failed o.0 Though I wrote lyrics to go with this one, so I hope you enjoy :D!) 

Chapter 2

A Ray of Sunlight

~Crystal

‘Chrissie, what are these?’ My older brother, Calum, held up the blue boxers I had bought for being "Chris".

‘Boxers.’ I said.

‘They were in your laundry.’

Usually, I would be embarrassed, an impossible excuse would be bubbling on the end of my tongue or I would instantly deny every accusation. But as of lately, I just didn’t care anymore. ‘Uh huh.’ I shrugged.

He sat beside me on my bed staring intensely, ‘Who is he?’

‘Chris Parlour.’ I said in all seriousness.

‘Where does he live?’

‘Inside my head.’

He screwed his lips tightly, ‘Look, Chrissie, I don’t know what’s gotten into you all of a sudden, but you’re being a slut!’

‘Don’t worry, I’m not. They’re mine.’ I said honestly.

‘Yours?’ He chuckled in disbelief.

‘I used to be a transvestite, but I’ve stopped now.’

He raised an eyebrow, ready to scold me for saying a ridiculous story. But I saw him sum it all together on his face. Boxers + my old jeans + her friends shirts + my old trainers + short hair + less make-up + lack of bra’s in laundry.

He stared at me silently and placed down the boxers. Her was about to leave but stopped in the doorway and turned, ‘I’m sorry for forcing you to be my little brother when we were younger… I really didn’t think it would scar you like this…’ then he left.

I laughed slightly at that- I vaguely remember him forcing me to wear guy clothes and call myself Chris. It was because he didn’t want a little sister but a little brother, which he got when Duncan was born.

Things had been… different lately. When I found out about Ray I realised he was more than just that little boy from my memories and the man that I loved… but the only thing in my life that ever gave me purpose. Before The Blue Eyed Crafters, I was just that boring little bookworm who didn’t even read that many books, honestly. I was just… there. I breathed, I ate, I drank and slept and did whatever I was told in between. That was it. But then I heard Ray’s name and it was as if… as if somebody took me out of the audience and put me on the stage to do whatever I wanted. And what I wanted… was Ray. The majority of the time I just avoided the thought of his death and buried myself in work or chores, but when I stopped even for a moment to think… He would come back into my mind- him and the fact that he wasn’t there anymore. I would begin to cry, hit things, scream and hoped that if I took enough of a tantrum God or whoever would bring him back. But tears wouldn’t bring him back, I knew that well enough… but my heart didn’t.

Michelle tried to help by inviting me to a party. It was alright, not many songs I was into until MCR came on. And then I saw Jack. He asked me to dance- did he even know who I was? In a way it was nice, I could be myself in front of him unlike Strings and the others. But at the same time, he made me want to cry. There I was, dancing with the ex-keyboardist of The Blue Eyed Crafters when I shouldn’t have. It shouldn’t have been him. It should have been Ray.

What was even worse was that somebody started playing a Lazer Graffiti song that they must have recorded on their mobile and I just couldn’t handle it- I felt so guilty for leaving them- but so sorry that I even joined them in the first place. They didn’t want me in the first place; I shouldn’t have gone a second time. I wasn’t meant to. And then I could go on believing that one day; someday I would see Ray again. Eventually I would have moved on believing that he was happy with a life and family of his own… and I could have even died happy. But I felt six feet away from being six feet under. It was as if our hands were tied together and now that he had fallen, I was being dragged down with him. I just hoped I didn’t.