"Dude Looks Like a Lady"

Chapter 19 It's Crystal Clear (Crystal)

Chapter 19

It’s Crystal Clear

~ Crystal

Looking back, it was so obvious to me now. I was falling in love with Red the whole time. Every smile, every shared laughed, every friendly glance had a little more than "friend" in it. I loved Ray so much, I was willing to give up my life as a woman just to find him, but I never loved him as much as I loved Red. Ray was a childhood bond that could never be broken, that grew because of me dreaming of him, missing him. But I doubt he was ever really the person I dreamt of. But Red was the reality. He was more than I could dream up. He was kind, funny, so childish- but I liked him for it… And it was more than the person he was that made me love him, it was the kinda presence he had and the effect he had on me. He’d always bring the best out of me.

One of the best things I loved about him was his loyalty- I tasted it the minute I joined Lazer Graffiti. He hated me and even though that upset me I admired the reason why he did. But it was that loyalty that was getting in the way of us both getting what we wanted most. I loved him, he loved me- I wish it could have been that simple. I wondered how he would feel if he knew that Sailor and Strings both tried it on with me, knowing about my past with Ray.

I got to the studio early to clear my head, only to find out it was impossible. I stared out the window to see Edinburgh castle proudly sitting on Arthur’s seat, which I found a weird name to give to a huge cliff. I wonder if a man called Arthur ever sat on that cliff?

It was so quiet around, the rest of them weren’t due there ‘til another hour and being as miserable as I was I did what I hadn’t done in a long time: sung.

Christmas had came and gone, I had gone back to spend it with my family even though I had wanted to spend it with my friends. Ray had left a present when he ran out, I took it with me to my house along with all the other presents the rest of the guys had given me. I had gotten Drummer the White Lies album, he loved the drumbeats in their songs, and he had given me The Lion King 3D. I got Sailor the first two volumes of the Umbrella Academy comic books and he had given me a three-wolf moon T-shirt. For Strings, I had bought him transformer figure he put on the top of his Christmas list and he had bought me red high-heels with a note attached saying "To go with the dress" and a cartoon him winking. As for Red I got him the first volume of the Scott Pilgrim comic books and a Ramona stuffed toy to go with it which made me feel pathetic compared to what he got me.

"A Christmas present + apology." He had put on it. Really it was more than that. It was five years of Christmases and birthdays. It was that steam punk styled guitar they had had at that music shop in London, the one that cost over eight hundred pounds.

I gently picked Julius of the stand- Julius Battle Scar I had named it- and began playing Best I Ever Had by Vertical Horizon. The words slowly came out of my mouth and helped Julius brake through the silence. I sang because I thought it would help me, but all it did was open a gateway to let the pain out in the open. I lost all my thoughts in every good and bad memory I had of Red, most of them great, most of them amazing but that made the pain ten times stronger. It felt like I had been singing for year when I finally stopped and opened my eyes again.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard clapping behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Strings grinning wildly.

‘Well, well, well, the little sparrow has been hiding her voice.’ He smirked.

‘I- uh.’ I covered my mouth embarrassed. I loved singing but hated my voice.

‘Why didn’t you tell me you could sing?’

‘Because I can’t- Why’re you here?’

‘I usually warm up before we begin, so I come early- what do you mean you can’t?’