Of Pixels and Dying

Chapter 7: Only the Worst

I had forgotten- or maybe selectively ignored- that report cards are sent out during the first couple weeks of the new semester. I went downstairs to get a drink and saw both of my parents sitting at the dining table with a piece of paper in front of them, looking up at me with equal expressions of judgmental disapproval. My stomach sank as my heart began flip-flopping with apprehensive palpitations. The three of us locked eyes in a familial stand-off, daring each other to break the tense silence and unleash the argument waiting to happen.

My dad spoke first.

"Kelsey," he growled. "These grades of yours... want to explain what the hell happened here?"

I gritted my teeth and shook my head. "Nothing happened."

"Your GPA is a 3.4 right now. 3.4!" He raised his voice and I stiffened, preparing myself for an onslaught of parental anger. "And you got a B in band class."

"How do you even get a B in band?" my mother piped up.

"I don't know!" I yelled. "Last semester was hard for me. Can you guys just leave it alone?"

"No, we can't!" my dad shouted back. "How do you expect to get into colleges when your grades are getting this bad?"

I glared at him, wishing the strength of a stare could shut someone up.

"You need to start tutoring again," my mom said sternly. "You won't get into any good universities with grades like that."

"I'm trying my hardest," I spat.

"Clearly not hard enough," my mom retorted. "All you do is stay in your room on your computer all day, and you can't even get good grades. What's wrong with you? When I was your age all I did was study hard for school."

I'd had enough.

"Oh my god, will you just let me be?" I shouted as I stomped up the stairs, slamming my door shut.

It never ends! I screamed internally as I ran my hands through my hair, wishing I hadn't been born so I never had to deal with my parents' impossible expectations in the first place. The suicidal thoughts began raising their voices, maliciously snaking their way to the forefront of my mind where I couldn't ignore them. My chest tightened from the sheer torrent of emotions overwhelming me.

I instinctively reached for my phone and saw a message from Louis. I tapped on it and an image of a vase of lavender flowers popped up. He had said, [Saw these at the store today and thought of you.]

Almost immediately the tension released from my body, and the surging thoughts of ending my life calmed down and retreated.

I let out a pent-up breath and responded, [That's so thoughtful, thanks Louis. Parents are being bitches again, you made me feel better.]

I flopped onto my bed and stared up the ceiling, broiling in mental turmoil. My parents' admonishments echoed deafeningly in my mind; their angry faces and down-turned mouths delivering hurtful reprimands replayed over and over. I pressed my fists into my tightly-shut eyes and let out a groan. I jerked upright when my phone suddenly rang loudly. It was Louis.

"Hey, what happened with your parents?" he asked worriedly.

"They saw my grades and blew up at me," I replied glumly. "It was such bullshit, honestly. My mom was all like 'what's wrong with you, why can't you get good grades?'"

Louis sighed deeply. "Damn, that sucks, I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. I don't want to think about them or school."

"Want me to distract you from your life with something amazing that happened in mine?"

I scoffed at his sarcasm. "Sure."