Of Pixels and Dying

Chapter 8: Sweet Nothings

"Hello? Earth to Kelsey."

Jainah's irritated voice ungraciously ushered me out of my rumination.

"What? Oh, sorry," I mumbled.

"Do you want to come with us to prom, or...?" Jainah prompted.

I stared down at the ground. Truly, I didn't. And truly, I didn't care if she abandoned me for her more socially adept, depression-lacking friends. I guess I had to at least give her credit for trying to include me, even if it meant I served only as a filler for her Instagram photos.

I just could not see myself going through the hassle of attending a school dance that I knew would lead to more self-hate. I didn't want any part of it: the hours of shopping for a dress I would only wear once, the envying sappy teenage couples, and the continuous deterioration of my self esteem every time I saw how beautiful my friends looked.

"I don't think this year is going to work out for me," I replied, fidgeting uncomfortably. "Sorry. Maybe next year."

Jainah sighed audibly and started scrolling on her phone. "What's with you lately? Is it still your mom?"

Should I even bother? I thought to myself. Last time I had been honest with a friend I learned they actually were, in fact, not a friend. Maybe I should stop giving a shit and just find out which friends are fake hoes, as Louis would say.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah. I haven't told you this before but... she's been emotionally abusive towards me."

Jainah raised an eyebrow at me. "Kelsey, just because your mom calls you fat every once in a while doesn't mean she's emotionally abusive."

"She calls me useless and pathetic," I protested. "Like, all the time. And she's always putting down my accomplishments, making me feel like nothing is ever good enough for her. She's constantly belittling me."

"Okay, well, I told you not to take everything she says seriously," Jainah responded brusquely. "You're just not understanding where your mom is coming from. I'm sure in the future you'll see why she's being like this with you."

I stared at her, my jaw hanging open with shock. "Do you even hear yourself right now!?" I exclaimed.

She glared at me. "I'm just trying to help you see things differently, Kelsey. I got through the bullshit with my mother, you can too."

"You know what, I can't do this with you anymore." I collected my belongings and walked away without bothering to look at her.

What a bitch, I fumed. How was it that nobody took me seriously? Did it mean absolutely nothing to these people that we had known each other, trusted each other, for years?

Impulsively I decided to ditch the second half of the day and found myself on the phone with Louis again, who had coincidentally stayed home from school due to dental surgery.

"Honestly, what is wrong with these people?" I ranted breathlessly to him. "They really are some fake hoes."

"I can't believe you put up with them for so long," Louis replied. "Props to you, I would've broken a nose or two by now."

I scoffed. "To be fair, everything was fine until I started telling them about my actual issues. Before, the most serious things we ever talked about were bad classes, bad hair, and bad boys."

"Wow, I would've fit right in with your friend group."

"You probably would have," I laughed. "Although I would've been selfish and kept you for myself. They don't deserve someone like you as a friend."