A Frowned Upon Miracle 18+ (Completed)

Chapter 4

Ahana POV

I sat at a dinner table overlooking a lake, as usual, my mother and my sister were late. I was supposed to have a customary lunch with them every month. 

My mother who adopted me was very affectionate at the beginning that I felt like finally, I would have a family but to my shock two years later they had their own child, a second daughter Ananya. I said shock because after her coming into our lives the affection gradually decreased and when I asked them innocently why they no longer give me their time and affection, they rubbished my thoughts saying that I should be grateful that though I was adopted they were so nice to me in the beginning and even after their own child is born they still kept me in the house, taking care of my expenses, feeding me and protecting me from the outside world.  I thought about what they said, it was right, they still kept me in the house, they fed me, and gave me an education. They were not affectionate like before but they were not abusive too, they just never interfered as long as I was a good girl.

Then when the time came that I have to get married they used this "We have done so much for you", card while my sister had a choice to marry her loved one. I remember when I tried to tell my mother that I have these thoughts when she asked me a question "Does he hurt you physically? Does he not provide you? Is he cheating on you?" If he is not doing these things then you have to contemplate how immature you are being. He is a nice guy and you are having these stupid thoughts, grow up Ahana!!

That was the day I stopped communicating with them about my thoughts as they were not validated or respected. We do have these customary lunches, dinners, and parties, and we go on tours together. Though I get an intuition that they don't respect me or my feelings or my achievements I have this tiny gratitude that they check up on me.

After a heavy lunch where my mother was talking about her social calendar this month and my sister talking about her perfect husband we disperse and I rush to my therapist's appointment

I still remember what she told me the last time I was there

"Ahana, you are a wonderful and strong person, you are dealing with a lot of stuff. You have all these feelings and you are not feeling heard or valued most of the time in your life. You have abandonment issues from your childhood, you are not able to love your husband due to which you have anxiety and panic attacks whenever you get close to him.  You had these dreams and expectations before you got married and when they were not met you feel disappointed and depressed. Have you ever spoken to your husband about your feelings?"

"Dr.Niyati, I was to have my appendix removed and I was admitted to the hospital for that procedure.  When I went in he could not make it and when I came out he was not there, I saw him after a day after my discharge from the hospital. He was outside the city and he came home only after a day I was home, he arranged a nurse forme but me being on pain meds had a chat with him on how he does not communicate openly and how I don't see his care for me in his eyes and how he failed to ask me how was I doing, the next day when I  was conscious and off my pain meds, he told me I never understood him and how he arranged a nurse from me even when he was busy with meetings. He told me how he is giving me a perfect lifestyle and freedom to work, while also telling me I was being immature. Now tell me doctor can I ever tell him if anything is going wrong?  I would not get any apology or my feelings are not valued and he also gives me a talk about what he does for me when the fact is that I earn and pay for my own expenses, I pay for the cook and save the rest and yet I feel humiliated", 

"Ahana, have you considered separating because you are obviously miserable",

"I cannot as you know my life has always been run by favors from others. My husband's family helped restore my family's business so there is that. I am always told about all the good things which have been done by my parents for me so I have to pay back for everything and this is my way to pay back. Dr, I thought about it a 1000 times, to separate, to walk out, and to have my own life but inside my heart, I would know all these people did so much for me and I have to pay back even if I run away that feeling, would never leave me, the feeling that I was selfish, the feeling that I was ungrateful, the feeling of guilt because I left a perfectly good home because of my own insecurities, fears, trauma, and past. Also, I know that I would have to leave the only family I know, it might be a dysfunctional family but they are the only people who raised me and educated me, "

From that day though I get treated for my fears and insecurities and get prescriptions for my anxiety and panic attacks I am still depressed and have to smile while putting up a brave face for society. I was told to pay back my parents I had to marry and stay married because they cannot tolerate my divorce being a spectacle for people and their reputation being tarnished by me.

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Hi Readers,

Happy Sunday

Here is the new chapter

So here are some reasons why she cannot back out from the marriage. Though it's her life and the reasons are not strong, she is doing it for the family who rescued her from the life of an orphan. So children with a past are shown to be submissive when it comes to parents and family because they want their love, affection, and respect. Though they know in their mind that it's pointless they still do it. 

These are the women who are strong on the outside but who crave love and affection on the inside. Let's see when or what will make her realize that it's her life and she has to take action.

Readers  a surprise for you, you would see a new entry in the next few chapters, so stay tuned

Regards,

Indu