I would start a riot

Tightrope Walk ~ October 2015

Dec had been on high alert ever since Stephen returned from work and, as casually as he could when he was clearly stressing, had suggested they left a little earlier than normal to drive to his parents' house. Dec had agreed without vocalising his immediate deduction, still waiting to be proven right as they drove closer to their destination that evening.

"Can we walk some of the way?" Stephen asked quietly, still sounding annoyed at himself despite the clear setup he had created all afternoon. It had been inevitable; the nerves and how they dealt with them; but Dec didn't want him to be ashamed of that fact.

"Sure," he replied nonchalantly, starting to look for a gap at the side of the road to park in and only deciding a moment later to continue. "We've got plenty of time." He was trying to make a point - they'd intentionally left early, that they'd been spiralling towards this for some time. It was more than okay for Stephen to worry.

Satisfied that they both knew the route from their current location, he pulled in and switched the engine off, glancing at Stephen and catching him looking back. At the moment, just looking at him made Dec feel strangely emotional, the lopsided smile he gave now meaning more than it ever had. There was something about agreeing to get married, something about the permanence of it, that had eroded any barrier that might have existed between them. 

He stepped out onto the pavement and waited for the few extra seconds Stephen took to follow suit. Despite all of the giddiness, Dec could appreciate the other man's change in demeanour, the uncertainty rolling off him in waves. This evening was going to be difficult, no matter how happy the pair of them were together. There was pressure, external pressure, that always managed to put a dampener on that.

In the time Dec had been with Stephen, they'd experienced ups and downs with his parents. On every new up, it felt like they didn't quite reach as high, as if every mistake or ignorant moment was driving a wedge between Stephen and his family, separating them just a little further. Dec wondered if this evening would have been easier, had they not experienced a couple of the low moments in recent years, feeling like it was the things that had happened in that time, even more than the past, that had shaken Stephen's trust.

The younger man didn't complain when Dec interlaced their fingers, if anything getting closer, pushing his arm into Dec's in search of reassurance. Dec hoped his proximity was enough, not sure what he could say to stop the overthinking that he could almost hear.

He'd stopped the car with a twenty-minute walk ahead of them. Halfway there, he felt Stephen slow down, his hand tightening slightly around Dec's, silently saying something. Dec's chest felt heavy for a moment, weighed down by the sudden flood of nerves he shared with him. No amount of successful visits was ever going to completely erase the past.

"I was thinking you could come out to Australia a week before the end of the series," he found himself saying as they continued to walk. He kept his eyes focused ahead of them in the early evening darkness, forcing himself to sound casual, just to distract Stephen. "Maybe we could stay for a couple of days afterwards. You've never been before, right?"

"No," Stephen replied - quietly. "That sounds nice."

Dec took a turn squeezing the hand in his own, still trying to silently offer some support without shattering the illusion of calm by laying it all out. Stephen clearly didn't want to let out whatever it was that he was feeling, keeping it confined to the silent gestures.

They walked a little further, every new street seeming to reduce Stephen's pace. The reluctance poured from him, mixing with an unhealthy dose of discomfort. And Dec couldn't keep silent anymore.

"We don't have to say anything today," he murmured, trying to muster something encouraging in his voice. Not for the first, or even second, time, he felt needlessly guilty over how easy it had been with his mum. An impromptu visit to Newcastle; she'd seemed to figure it out before they told her; the long list of completely normal questions that had followed. Not a second of doubt or a glimmer of uncertainty in her expression, just an abundance of pride and excitement on their behalf.