I would start a riot

Changing the Subject ~ June 2015

Dec found himself getting ready for his lunch with Ant to the soft sound of piano music. He'd never realised just how much of his time Stephen had put into music as a child, remembering his own surprise the first time he noticed the piano in one corner of the other man's house.

Of course, it had been one of the first things to move in along with Stephen, filling a gap in the living room that Dec had never quite managed to furnish properly. He found himself smiling whenever he saw it for no real reason, seeing it as one of those really obvious, visible pieces of evidence that he and Stephen had got tangled together far too messily by now for it all to fall apart again.

Today, hearing the faint, familiar chords drifting up from the living room as he got ready in the bedroom, comforted him more than ever. In the week or so since the final, he'd found it hard not to pull away, hurt every time Stephen seemed unsure of himself, still battling the residual demons left behind from that fateful semi-final. And Dec himself couldn't help but feel he was contributing to all of it, still keeping quiet about everything Martha had said – about that text.

Stephen was more understanding than he needed to be, full of gentle, coaxing smiles and little reminders that none of his problems were caused by Dec as if he knew the other man needed that reassurance. It didn't help that Dec only felt worse, feeling him try so hard.

It was only when Stephen was quiet and detached himself that Dec shed the layers of defence and uneasiness and threw all of his energy behind making things easier for Stephen instead. So, there at least existed a balance; both of them were trying for each other but not themselves; but maybe that was the only way for them to start getting better.

He took his time going down the stairs, still happy to exist in that space where he didn't have to see Stephen and remember everything he had to hide and feel bad about but he could at least hear the younger man's influence pouring through the house.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, the feeling sending a familiar spike of anxiety through his chest but it was only Ant, saying he was going to be another fifteen minutes. Dec typed out a reply, trying to will his fingers not to shake too much, and concentrated on Stephen's piano playing once more.

The melody pulled him through into the living room, the movement sending Stephen's eyes flickering from the keys to the door and back again. His mouth twitched upwards slightly, a silent greeting as Dec leant in the doorway, head tilted against the wood, just listening.

His chest still felt a little too tight as if there was a weight pressing against it. He was quickly getting tired of this feeling accompanying every little noise his phone had made. It didn't matter that he'd blocked the number or that he'd never had another message; it seemed the damage had been done.

It was that feeling that pulled him closer to Stephen, sitting on the spare length of the stool, back to the piano, and resting his head lightly against the other man's shoulder, trying not to disturb him too much.

The music stopped for a moment anyway, Stephen's head quirking against him questioningly. "You okay?"

Dec closed his eyes with a small smile, letting himself inhale deeper and feeling the pressure in his chest vanish. He nodded, waiting for Stephen to continue. It didn't happen until he murmured a reply. "Keep going."

Stephen picked up where he had left off, sometimes shifting against Dec's head as he stretched to reach a particularly high note. Dec moved with the motion easily each time, happy to stay in the darkness behind his eyelids until Stephen came to the end of the piece.

"Sure?" he asked as soon as he was finished, the question shaking Dec from his peaceful position as he took a moment to figure out what he meant. Are you sure you're okay?