New Beginnings

Part 13

Previously ~ you made rose your girlfriend and hand your first time together. But afterwards, you get uncomfortable.

TW - Talk of SH

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You stay there for a bit in comfortable silence as you stroke her arm.

That is until she starts stroking your leg and you remember your cuts. You immediately freeze moving your leg away from her and turning to face the other direction.

Rose - "Hey are you okay?"

Y/n - "Yeah im okay. Just a little warm, that's all."

Rose - "Y/n."

You squeeze you eyes shut and hope she just accepts what you said but she doesn't.

Rose - "Y/n i saw them."

You immediately freak out but try not to turn just yet.

Rose - "Y/n please look at me."

You turn as she helps you to sit up, before holding your legs close and avoiding eye contact.

Y/n - "It's not as bad as you think. It's just my arms now and im trying to accept that but-"

Rose - "No y/n. Your legs. Your thighs."

You start to freak out realising she saw your fresh cuts from the day before and break down.

Rose - "Hey hey don't be like that. It's okay!"

You shake your head and start to breathe heavy as you bawl your eyes out.

Rose - "Y/n please know it's okay! Please you're gonna make yourself ill again and you don't need to! It's okay! It's all okay I promise."

She grabs you and you do calm down a bit but you keep crying for a while in her arms until you run out of tears and just sit there numb.

Rose - "How about we get some sleep and talk about it the morning Okay."

Y/n - "Are you going to tell Tammy?"

Rose - "What? Umm i don't know I-"

Y/n - "No! No no no no you can't tell her Rose!
Please promise me you won't tell her! She'll get bad again too and I can't be that person again I-"

Rose - "Y/n it's quite serious though you-"

Y/n - "Please. I'll tell her I promise I just... I need to find the best way to. I was going to today but I didn't find out a good way yet."

Rose - "It's self harm y/n there's no good way of telling someone."

You look down at your hands as you play with your fingers thinking.

Y/n - "I'll tell her. Soon. I promise."

Rose - "Okay. I believe you."

Rose - "And your pills? Did you really forget to take them?"

Y/n - "What? Yes of course! I was just sleepy I-"

Rose - "Y/n."

You look down at your hands holding them to stop the tremor.

Y/n - "I was just trying something."

Rose - "What? What were you trying?... Y/n please."

Y/n - "I just... I just wanted to know how it felt to not have to wake up in the morning and worry about taking pills to stay sane. To not have to be medicated to fucking function like I should be able to naturally. I noticed I took the last one a few days before and-"