𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 || 𝙰𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗 𝙱𝚞𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚛

01 - Has He Texted You?

Song Suggestion: Saturday Nights – Khalid

ELSIE

Austin raked his fingers through his sandy hair and rested his elbow on his bouncing knee.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, this is amazing news," I could tell by his body language that he was on the verge of some sort of breakdown. His bouncing knee, his staggered breathing, his fidgeting fingers. All bad signs.

"You're gonna be so great I just know it."

He slumped back into the gray couch looking defeated, his tan arms falling limp beside him. Austin was his own worst critic. Quite possibly the worst case of imposter syndrome I'd ever seen.

It often hindered him from landing larger roles. The only reason he even auditioned for this role was because I encouraged him to. And, because he didn't believe he could actually land it.

"Augh I should've never auditioned for this – I'm so fucking stupid, why would I do this." His fingers against his temple.

"Aus, you're gonna be amazing," I sat next to him on my couch, my knee bent to face him.

A multicolored hue filled the apartment, as the afternoon sun lowered across the New York skyline. It was only November but the weather was already winter in full swing.

"No no no, I'm gonna be awful. I'm gonna look like a fool. If my career wasn't already in the toilet, it definitely will be now."

He had just gotten the call that he was cast as the main character in an upcoming movie. This was big since he typically only did indie movies or tv shows. But this was the largest one yet.

I instinctively grab his hand but immediately pulled away.

"Hey," I waved my hand across his lost-in-space gaze. "This is literally life changing news. I think it is gonna be good! It's going to give you an opportunity to show what an amazing actor you really are. Remember this always happen, you get in your head, but it always works out."

"Yeah, I know." He rolled his eyes, "I really can't talk about this right now. Can we change the subject? Maybe a drink would help?"

I forced a smile. I hated getting him drunk but loved being drunk with him.

"Yeah sure," I said through a faux grin. "But don't forget that Nox is coming home later." I got up and headed to the kitchen to start mixing drinks.

My boyfriend, Nox, was a relatively new character. We had only been together for about 6 months and somehow, he had already convinced me to move in with him. It wasn't that hard of a sell, it was convenient. I needed to get out.

Austin didn't like him from the beginning, but then again he never liked any of my boyfriends.

He groaned with a roll of his eyes, slumping further in his seat. His muscular arms came to rest behind his head, the hem of his black shirt riding slightly above his jeans. My eyes lingered on the exposed skin for a couple more seconds than I'd like to admit and immediately turned back around.

"Augh, I don't know what you see in him – what kinda fuckin' name is Nox anyway."

"Austin, c'mon he's not that bad, I wish you guys could get along." I bent over to see what alcohol I had in the fridge.

Filtering through various half empty bottles of alcohol and beer, I found our usual suspects. If anyone else were to look in my fridge they'd think I lived with a frat boy. Which wasn't completely false.

"I know I know, I'll try to behave."

When I turned around, I noticed his focus was already on me.

"Alcohol makes me nicer anyway."

"Bullshit! You're so unpredictable!" I laughed, "You either love everyone or you hate everyone."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He chuckled, his bright blue eyes caught mine for just a second. "Never you though."

A slight flush fell on my cheeks as I crossed the living room. I handed him his sugary drink before sitting on my legs on the floor across from him.

Habitually I reached for my phone, turning it over. The bright screen displayed a happy picture of me and Nox.

"Has he texted you?" Asking lowly through his teeth, like it was a question he didn't want to ask.

I had checked my phone several times already, waiting for any word from Nox. He was supposed to be home two hours ago but I refrained from calling him again.

Although I thought I had been subtle in how many times I had looked at my phone.

"Oh no, I was checking the time." I feigned a smile. I don't know why I tried to lie when he can see right through me. He went silent for a second.

"What time is it then?"

Damn, I thought I'd fooled him.

I sighed and sank into the white boho rug underneath me. How could someone feel so defeated over a text? Or rather, a lack thereof.

"No, he hasn't texted me." I tugged on my bottom lip. "He'll call, I'm sure he's probably on his way home now."

He just gave a nod. While he never liked any of my boyfriends, Nox was different. I don't remember who hated who first or why. All I know is that it's hard to have them in the same room at the same time.

I thought pivoting the conversation was my best option.

"If you forget about me when you make it big, I'm gonna tell everyone that you like 'girly' drinks." I tease, taking a sip of my poorly mixed vodka cran.

"No absolutely not!" He feigned offense, "Only beer for me."

I smiled and shook my head at his response. When I looked down, I realized my almost empty glass. I needed more.

"Right, of course. Besides I've annoyed you for too long to forget about me." I giggled, bouncing a bit on my folded legs. The patterned rug was cold beneath my knees. The warm feeling of alcohol already flooding through my veins. I often forgot that my tolerance had waned since finishing college.

I soon took note of his eyes tracking me, following the way my body moved up and down. I suddenly became very aware of just how much of my chest was exposed in my tank top.

These were small details that I tried to brush off and ignore. I didn't know why these moments stood out so much or why they felt so forbidden. Or why it caused my stomach to twist into a pretzel.

He was just a man anyway, my best friend, but a man none the less. It didn't mean anything. Men looked at me like that all the time. Like I was a piece of ripe fruit for them to dig their teeth into. It never means anything.

For whatever reason I wanted to keep his gaze on me. But the nagging feeling of it being purely lustful made my chest feel hollow. When you're 20 and you want all eyes on you, no matter the intention was fine. You don't mind the attention, it's all for fun. But at almost 25 it no longer feels like that. I tucked my maroon cardigan across my chest.

He shook his head like he just happened to snap out of a daze. "Well, it looks like I'm gonna need another one."