𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 || 𝙰𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗 𝙱𝚞𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚛

11 - Winter Break

𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞

𝘚𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘚𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘌𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 - 𝘛𝘢𝘺𝘭𝘰𝘳 𝘚𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘵

-

ELSIE

It was almost scary how easily we slipped back into our normal friendship after whatever 'close calls' happened. Regardless, I was grateful for it.

I couldn't explain the kitchen incident from a couple nights ago. I didn't know why I couldn't pull away or why I didn't want to. But I couldn't shake it.

I wanted to keep dancing. I wanted to get drunk and dance with him.

No, that's definitely a bad idea.

I don't fucking know why I danced around him so much. It's stupid right? I don't even like dancing in front of others. But I didn't think about it that way. I didn't think about it at all, it just... happens.

It felt kinda like when you put on concert performances in your room alone. You don't think about it, your body just does. Natural, free, secure. In the sanctity of your 4 walls, you're just you.

All your secrets, all your indiscretions.

Austin was my 4 walls.

He knew almost everything about me. Good or bad.

Almost.

Regardless of whatever strangeness happened between us, my time away- staying here - reminded me of how Austin and I used to be. In our college dorms, sitting on the floor playing whatever video game Aus was into that month. He always talked me into letting him teach me how to play. I lost every time, but he didn't care.

Things were so simple then.

Tonight, he wanted to watch all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Mid-movie, I glanced from the far side of the couch to find Austin fast asleep. Even though our friendship was steady again, I could tell he wasn't. I didn't quite know what it was, but I knew he wasn't talking to me about it.

Or I could've just been overthinking it completely. That's pretty possible too.

I lifted the forest green chenille blanket off myself and draped it over him. Tapping my phone to check the time, I realized it was 1:30 am and I was still wide awake.

A winter draft flowed through an open window. Scanning the room for my cardigan but my eyes landed on one of his flannels first. As I slipped the blue plaid over my freezing arms, I couldn't shake a feeling like I was doing something wrong. Nerves filled me, nerves that reminded me of sneaking around my childhood home at night, trying not to make a peep.

Ignoring the feeling, I wrapped the shirt around myself. It was larger on me, but I wish I could've said that I was engulfed in it. That's a privilege you only get when you're stick thin.

Quietly, I tip-toed barefoot across the chilled wooden slats to the floor-to-ceiling window. My shoulder rested against a concrete support beam allowing me to take a still moment.

While most people relax by an ocean, I preferred the cityscape. Instead of crashing waves, I took comfort in the constant traffic. Maybe because it was so different than back home. The city welcomed me. I escaped to it, and it took me in. Maybe I felt indebted to it.

I followed flurries of snow descending and landing on any surface they found. This time of year made the city even more magical, thanks to the early Christmas lights that decorated the New York streets. Flickering illuminations wrapped around every balcony and streetlamp. The vista just midnight blue, glistening white, and twinkling colors.