𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 || 𝙰𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗 𝙱𝚞𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚛

29 - Be My Mistake*

18+ ONLY + TW; SUBSTANCE ABUSE & MENTIONS OF SA

And be my mistake, then turn out the light
She bought me those jeans, the ones you like

I don't want to hug, I just want to sleep
The smell of your hair, reminds me of her feet

You do make me hard, but she makes me weak

Be My Mistake – The 1975

-

-AUSTIN-

I pressed my back against my front door to click it closed and let out a heavy sigh. My middle finger and thumb pinched the bridge of my nose trying to alleviate the tension headache building behind my skull.

What the fuck had I just done?

I did what I set out to do. What I agreed to do.

If I wanted to keep my dirty little secret from her, I needed to follow through. I just didn't think it would hurt this much – I didn't think I'd hurt her that much. But the band aid was ripped off and I didn't want to think of what would come next. The mere idea of losing her - my best friend – it was too much. I needed to numb it out.

Using my right foot, I kicked myself off the door and mentally prepared myself for what I was about to walk into.

"What the fuck was that about?" Spreading my arms out in exasperation when I walked back to Aspen in my bedroom. "I thought we were on the same page."

"We are." She confirmed, dropping her arms to her sides. "I don't care who you fuck, but it just pissed me off how hypocritical she was being. It's fucked up of her to show up here jealous over you, when she's the one with a boyfriend."

"Did what she say upset you?" I asked, ignoring her accusation of Elsie being jealous.

"The fact that you ditched me at the party to hook up with your best friend then called me afterwards?" Her voice not nearly as pissed as you'd think. "Yeah, that's pretty fucking shitty Austin. But just as basic decency – not because I'm in love with you."

"Look – you're right. I'm sorry. It was a shitty thing to do." I stepped towards her and took her hands into my own. "Okay? I'm sorry. Can we just forget this happened?"

Chocolate brown eyes glanced up at me, anger flowed into playfulness, "Sure Aus." She cooed with a wide smile.

The nickname sprung another tinge of pain in my stomach, nicknames were something only Elsie was ever allowed to use. Hearing another girl say them felt forbidden, as if it was some vile curse word you would only hear in snuff films.

"You're not gonna chase after her?" She questioned, unfazed, crossing the floor to pluck an orange pill bottle from my nightstand.

"What?" I replied, surprised that she'd ask such a thing. I'd never met a girl like her, nothing seemed to really bother her. She must've been just as fucked up as me.

"Elsie? The girl that just ran out of your apartment?" She stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She scanned the pill bottle she picked up, then set it down for another one.

I wanted to run after her, I really fucking did. My insides felt like they were being ripped to pieces, like I ran my intestines through a paper shredder. But I accomplished exactly what I set out to do – push her away. "No, why would I do that?" I made my way over to her, curious as to what she was analyzing.