𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 || 𝙰𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗 𝙱𝚞𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚛

18 - Nothing There

𝚂𝚘 𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝙸'𝚖 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚍, t𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎

𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎

𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚠 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚎𝚍𝚜

'𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚍𝚊𝚢

𝘚𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘚𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘚𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤 - 𝘗𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘗𝘙𝘊

ELSIE

I sat on my bed folding some of Nox's work clothes that spread across the mattress. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been feeling lonely without Austin. Even though I had Nox back, it wasn't the same. Nox and I weren't best friends. Despite what all my other friends said, I didn't believe that I needed to be best friends with my partners. At least I never had been. There was a distinct line between relationship and friendship, no overlap.

I had been feeling disconnected lately, not just from Austin, but from Nox, from everything. I made up with my boyfriend, but I still felt heartbroken. Maybe even more so than when I was at Austin's.

I still loved Nox, but the feeling of him touching me wasn't the same. It felt empty – boring, loveless. We'd only had sex maybe two times since I came home. He had tried, lord had he tried. But I fled from his touch every time. Nox could be vicious but something he'd never do is force me into anything I didn't want to do. That was the biggest difference between him and my exes, sadly.

I couldn't get that night of my head. Austin was so much bigger than Nox, I didn't need to feel him inside me to know that. Even just his touch was better than Nox. I never thought I could finish with another person – only ever by myself. I had accepted that men just couldn't make me come, but Austin did – three times. And that wasn't counting the times the thought of him helped me finish - alone.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Thinking this shit about my friend. It should feel weird to know what your best friend's dick or tongue feels like - and well it did, kind of. Or maybe that was just how illicit it felt. Either way, it was more temping than anything.

Oh yeah – and of course there was the fact that I cheated on Nox. Well at least, I think? Were we even together after he kicked me out? Regardless of the technicalities, Nox could never find out about it. Even just the thought of his reaction was enough to scare the shit out of me.

But he wasn't stupid, he picked up on the shift between us and relentlessly pressed me about it, until I finally gave in and told him a watered-down version of truth or dare. He wasn't happy about it but surprisingly didn't react as bad as I thought.

Yet after having a taste of what I could experience with someone else – the rigid, fast sex Nox offered was no longer enticing. But if I was going to save my relationship, I needed to forget all of it.

If I was going to save my friendship, I needed to forget it. Pretend it never happened.

Austin's cold front could very well be a symptom of what we did. He might've seen it as a mistake. Whether that was a good or bad thing, I wasn't sure.

I methodically pressed Nox's black button downs, taking extra care making sure they were creaseless and symmetrical. He had been a tyrant about organization lately which naturally meant I was deep cleaning the house and reorganizing everything.