𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 || 𝙰𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗 𝙱𝚞𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚛

30 - It's Not Living

TW; DRUG USE, WITHDRAWALS - 18+ ONLY

All I do is sit and think about you
If I know what you'd do

Collapse my veins, wearing beautiful shoes

It's not living,
If it's not with you.

It's Not Living (If It's Not With You) - The 1975

AUSTIN

I winced when the bright sunshine burned my freshly opened retinas. "Fuck." I groaned. Once I had gained some more consciousness, I patted around the bed to find it empty. An immediate feeling of relief, then sadness washed over me at the absence. It made me ponder where I stood with Aspen; having her here constantly and being so... needy was suffocating. But on the other hand, it was comforting not being alone. God knows where I'd be without company through this down spiral. It's not like it was the worst company you could have – she was kind, soft, caring, funny – and the fun we had. Maybe it was just the aftershock from her 'I love you' slip.

Suddenly, there was a hunger pain in my stomach and it crept up my ribcage - it climbed up each rib like a ladder until it was curled up in my throat. It wasn't hunger for food but something else. I pulled myself to the edge of the bed, letting my feet hit the floor and shaking away the gnawing feeling. My nose suddenly scrunched at a familiar sweet scent filling the room. Using both hands to push myself off the mattress, I weakly made my way towards the kitchen.

The minute I rounded the corner I stopped in my tracks. There was Elsie, fluttering around my kitchen. I watched her wavy brown locks bounce as she wiggled a pan then tossed it upwards to flip a pancake in the air.

Pancakes – I knew that I knew that scent, it smelt like home. While having Elsie in my kitchen after everything was jarring, it was also greatly comforting. Maybe this would make everything okay, maybe pancakes could fix this too; they always fixed everything before.

"Els–" I began but then Aspen abruptly swung the front door open.

"Aspen." I sighed out, slightly annoyed and anxious. 

She went to the counter and dropped a pile of mail onto the marble. She knitted her brows at my tone, "Yes?"

I gestured my hand over to the kitchen with lifted brows, "Hello?"

She turns to the kitchen and I follow her gaze, we both land on the same thing.

A completely empty black and white kitchen.

"What? I know the muffins aren't done yet I-" Her voice faltered as she looked back at me, confused. "What's wrong?"

One thing you could never underestimate is a woman's intuition – and by the way she looked at me, I knew she knew something was up.

"Oh, oh," I fake laughed and waved away the question, "Oh nothing."

She eyed me curiously, "Okay..." Setting her bag on the counter. "Well, I have some bad news – well I have good news and bad news." She scrunched her face like she was waiting for impact.

"Oh god, what." I sighed, letting my hands fall to my sides.

"Well... bad news is, that none of the girls at work could get me anything." She fidgeted with the silver rings wrapped around her boney fingers.

It was too early in the morning for me to be receiving such bad news. "Okay, well what's the good news?"

She smiled wide, "Nox is coming home sooner than I thought, so he'll be back and we can re-up then."