Finding Yourself: Book Two

Chapter Fifteen: Listening and Talking

(I keep forgetting to put trigger warnings for things, but this chapter contains mentions (but no graphic detail) of self-harm)

It had been a couple of days after they came out, and the school was still buzzing about it. Especially because Sam refused to take the collar off, even around his own mother. Devin didn't really ask him about that because he was afraid of second-hand embarrassment. 

Devin had already invited Sam to a second date at the end of the week: a double date with Tanner and Avil. It wasn't solidified yet because Tanner had to make sure Avil was comfortable around Devin. But Sam seemed excited. 

Klara had talked to him once since he came out as gay to the whole school. She invited him to her house where she could talk to him "privately." Devin didn't want to talk to her at all, let alone visit her home where her parents lived. Although, he knew he should go provide an explanation. He told her he would come over Saturday.

He was so nervous that he thought about taking someone with him as a shield from whatever Klara had planned.

Devin was changing his clothes after a sweaty evening punching the bag when he thought about all the things that have happened in the previous days, including his parenthood lessons. Devin was satisfied. He took off his sweaty shirt, and used the shirt on his chest to mop up any excess sweat. He thought about taking a shower.

Just when he was getting up to get some clothes, the door burst open. All Devin saw was Nick's eyes, glancing at Devin's face, then his arm, then he tried to speak.

"Devin, I'm sorry-"

"Get out," Devin said lowly, hiding his arm against his chest. He felt exposed. His heart was beating fast.

"I will. I just wanted to-"

"Get. OUT!" Devin shouted, marching up to slam the door in Nick's face. He flung the door shut, but Nick caught it. Devin tried pushing the door against Nick's hand, but Nick was stronger than him. He started to panic. He didn't like that Nick was stronger than him.

"Hey!" Nick tried to reason, "It's okay. Just let me in. We can talk." He didn't try to push the door open, but he didn't let it close. Meanwhile, Devin was throwing his weight at the door.

"I don't want to talk!" Devin growled, "I want you to leave me alone!"

"Devin-"

"Shut up!" Devin pushed the door, it wavered from momentum but didn't close.

"But Devin-"

"Nick for F**KS SAKE-"

"I have them too," Nick said softly. Devin almost missed what he said. But it shocked him enough to make his panic die away. 

From the other side of the door, Devin whispered a surprised, "What?"

"I have them too," Nick said, like it was an everyday thing, "I could show you, if that would make you feel better. I saw yours, so you can see mine?"

Devin decided to open the door. As he expected, Nick was there with a genuine look on his face. Apologetic too.

"I'm sorry I barged in," Nick apologized, "I do that a lot on accident. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Devin looked at Nick, really looked at him. Then opened the door to let Nick in. He didn't say a word, but Nick knew what he meant, and walked in. Devin closed the door behind him.

Nick unrolled his sleeve, and Devin realized that he had mostly seen Nick in long sleeves or jackets. He showed his inner arm to Devin. 

Nick's scars were much more faded than Devin's, like they had been made many years ago. Devin made his when he was twelve, so he knew Nick's had to be more than seven years old. Devin didn't even know why Nick even needed to wear long sleeves. You could barely see the scars unless you were looking for them.