Complacent Dreamers

Isabella.

"We'll see you in a couple weeks kiddo. And remember stay close to Autumn." My dad reassured me for like the a millionth time bore heading out for Vegas to marry Kat. It's been like a month maybe two and nothing's really happened. Cory and I are officially a couple since like the day after Marshall told me he liked me. He's been working really hard with Proof and his deal, and Marshall and Kim are back in the picture.

He's been doing gigs like three times every week and he like goes silent sometimes thinking of rhymes and he just gets scary. Like one time he got booed off stage and I didn't hear from him for like two days. It's hard for him out here. He's different and in Detroit, that's not necessarily a good thing to be.

"I know dad, I'll be okay." I put my suitcase in Autumn's trunk, hugging Kat and my father. "Alright baby, I love you." I smiled at both of them and slid into Autumn's car.

About an hour in autumn and I had caught up on a lot of stuff. I told her about my love life and school, and rap. I basically summed up my whole life in an hour. "So this Cory guy is he cuter than Marshall?"

"That's not fair."

"It's just a question, I mean of course you're gonna say Cory." She laughed. I sighed and looked at her. "Marshall." We laughed at the same time.

My phone buzzed and when I picked up, it was Proof.

-Hello
-Wassup Izzy?
-Ha nothing just in the car on the way to Washington
-Everybody here at my house talking bout how they miss yo ass. Yo a Everybody say hey! (HEY!!!"
-I heard your mom!
-Yea she said these next two weeks go be hell for her without you.
-Sure is, because without me you ain't got no one to chill with besides Marshall.
-Speaking of him..
-What?
-Dude he got six battles today, and work at Gilbert's, and not to mention Kim been torturing him like crazy
-Just help him you know. It doesn't matter about anything else, just help him.
-Alright B, I gotta go, but Cory said he love you.
-Aww tell him I said it too. Bye.

Once again all I could think of was Marshall.

The sky was dark. Black almost, and dotted with stars that illuminated the night. The car ride smoothly along the street, and we were surrounded by thick walls of trees that went on forever almost.

"I think we need to dye your hair." Autumn looked over at me, smiling brightly. "You don't like my hair color?" Autumn laughed, but shook her head. "You're what, seventeen? This is your last year in High School, and next year you'll be able to vote so why not do something new."

"Okay fine...what color?"

"Black."

+++
Black suited me. I don't know it just brought definition to me. Isabella didn't seem so stupid anymore, I liked it. I liked how grown up it sounded more than anything. "Yeah and Proof was all like she got Cheetos and they literally attacked me." I was in the middle of telling Autumn about times I'd had with some of my friends. I told her about Bailey, but I didn't have much to say. Their was still rumors going around that she was coming about, but I still didn't see any proof.

My dad called all excited and stuff, yelling about how him and Kat were officially married. I nearly cried at the fact of having another mom and Autumn teared up a little too. They were gonna spend the next week just having fun, and being married to each other before coming home.

Bugs called too, we chatted about stupid crap like parties and my new hair color. He Told me so much about his dreams and stuff and we clicked. It was almost like we were becoming best friends. His mom eventually dragged him from the phone at 4:00 in the morning and I fell asleep a little later.

When I woke up Autumn was watching some game show on television, chewing down on candy. I shuffled my way to the kitchen and made cereal, sitting next to her on the couch. "So, how'd you sleep?"

"Like a fucking-oh uhh freaking couch potato." She laughed at me and just flipped the channel. It was so boring here. I missed knowing where Marshall's house was, or being able to walk to Proof's place. Here all I had was corner stores and Autumn. "So, I was thinking...there's a club for 18 year olds and younger. There's no alcohol and stuff, and I wanted to know if you wanted to go?"

"Oh my gosh autumn yeah I'll go."

"Good, because I won't be here tonight."

"Where will you be?"

"I am going out. With a friend." She looked away and blushed into her shoulder." "Oh my gosh you have a boyfriend!!!" She shook her head while giggling. "He's not my boyfriend. Not yet, but he's amazing Isabella." I smirked at her. I hadn't seen that smile in forever.

"Does this mystery man that's captured your heart have a name?" She nodded, chewing the rest of her red Twizzler. "Antonio Sabato. He's like trying to become an actor right now and I met him through my dad. He brought him to the office last year while I was there and oh my gosh I fell in love." We both shared a laugh and I bit on my lip.

"I miss my real mom Autumn." She looked over at me and pouted. "Seeing my dad getting married for the third time just makes me cringe because, yea she beautiful, but she's not my mom you know?" "Aww honey." She cuddled me close to her, smiling as she held me. "I remember one Christmas, my mom made this whole dinner and I sat there and watched her. I mean she went all out, corn, roast, pie, everything. The funny thing was it was only us. She had basically made a meal for all of Washington," She chuckled at that involuntarily. "She always went all out with things. She wanted everything to be perfect, but now..." For the first time in a while, I cried.

Not because my mother was dead, I cried because I was. And everyday I had to live with the fact that she'd passed. On my birthday. She choked and begged and pleaded. I could almost still hear the gurgling noises falling from her lips. And then there was nothing. She left me. She took every happy thing I had and burned it, the ash just sitting there in a pool at my feet.

I watched her suck the happiness away and I cried because she wasn't there to fix it. She did this to me. She screwed me over. This life, this imaginary fairytale I've been dreaming of, its been running me. Not anymore. I wont let her death define me, because I'm not her. I didn't cheat on anyone and I didn't die on my birthday. She did.