Complacent Dreamers

Curtain Call

It's been a year, 

Black fabric was scattered here. Here is the cemetery where I stood inches away from my dad's cold body. I swore it was below zero degrees here but I felt like hell,itself had collapsed on top of me. He passed away the day i,left to go get my stuff from New York.

I wasn't there to see him ache and cry, his body cascaded in blood. Blood that we shared, blood that I had witnessed before. It was a car accident. Sometimes at night I can hear the metal smashing into more metal and cushion, and glass. I can hear him scream,and then there's nothing. There's silence. Kat was lost without my dad, but what she didn't know was that she was he coming my dad. She had lost her lover once, she had fell in love, once. She fell apart. Once. The difference between me and her was that I had fell more than once I'd fell hundreds and hundreds of times and this time it was endless. The burning that I felt in my heart every time someone cried for him would last for eternity, even after I lay cold like my father and mother. He was the last one. The last immediate family I had. No mom, no dad, no sisters or brothers. No heart. No feeling because if  I convinced myself to feel, I would become my own flame. The flame that would light a fire. The fire that would burn me down. The burning that would last forever.

I stood on gloomy grass, my dad in front of me, almost ready to be buried in his slick black casket. Probably dreaming about beer or some hot country chick. I could imagine that. A couple people who knew me,who knew him, all Sat crying and waiting to hear me say something that would force them to remember the day Charlie Meyers died. Here I go.

"My dad wasn't into funerals. He didn't go to many, hell if he was here, he wouldn't even go to mine. The pain was too much for him, and now I see what he meant. I didn't know that my heart could bleed, I didn't know that tears could be involuntary but believe me they can. Umm, my dad's been married three times, more times than I hope I get married, he's been divorced twice. He's only had one child. But one thing he's never done is hurt me. He's never hit me or cussed at me, but even if he did it wouldn't bother me because the worse thing he's ever done to me is say I love You for the last time. I'll never be able to hear his horrible singing voice in,my ear at night. I won't be there for his horrible advice. But he'll be there. Whenever I need him he's gonna be there. Even if I can't see him, I know he's there looking down at me and my brother. And that's all I could ask for."

I got away from the podium before I collapsed. Almost everyone was here. Bugz, Bizarre, all,the girls were here who I hadn't seen in years. Cameron and Grayson showed up, Dylan was even here. A lot of people I met at the shelter. The only people who were missing were Marshall and Proof. I hadn't talked to either of them since the hospital. I dropped out of college for nothing. Just to see the imaginary friendship between me and Marshall.

He had been calling me all week. I see Kim and again if around sometimes and we talk, but never Marshall.

I looked over to see the girls all wearing their black and white and grays. All pouting at me with tears in their eyes. I hugged Kat before she went up to speak, and smiled at Autumn and Mr. Henry. How ironic that was.

"Hey how you holding up?" Aria questioned me, her eyes glazing over."not at all. Where you guys headed?"

"To the airport. We gotta get going to college and shit you know?" She giggled. I nodded, and hugged Jeanette and Melanie. "Stay sane kiddo." Mel said and walked off. Jeanette kissed my cheek and walked backwards towards her dad. How I wish I could say that. 

My phone buzzed constantly after that. People were probably preparing speeches for this moment. But no speech could change the fact that my father was gone. I would never be able to hear him, or to feel him again and that's the scariest thing for me. I sat on the couch, my brother in the other room and Kat was in a fetal position on the floor. Pictures of her and Charlie surrounding her. A beer bottle corrupted around her. She jerked with every tear and seeing her cry made me want to cry, something I didn't do often. He was all I had left. Screw Marshall, Screw Proof, screw all the guys. I would trade everything just to go back to how it used to be. Drawing on my arm and getting beat for it by Autumn. I liked his horrible country music, and I liked that he didn't go to most of my birthday parties. At least he was somewhere and not nowhere. My phone continued to ring and when I saw who it was I wanted to scream. Marshall. 46 calls in the last few hours. Probably telling me to bring diapers for Hailie or something who I haven't seen in a minute. It's funny how he had no father and he became one of the best ones there is. Sort of like my dad.